Living A Healthy Lifestyle

G100 6 | Healthy Lifestyle

Living a healthy lifestyle not only improves your physical health, but it also nourishes your mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. In this episode, Ligaya Thompson and Jennifer Hawley discuss the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle. You’ll learn about the perks of going on a vegetarian diet, why physical exercise makes you happy, and why you need to establish boundaries to achieve a work-life balance. It requires habit-changing to make healthier choices, but it’ll all be worth it not only for yourself but for your family as well. Join in the conversation and be inspired to start your journey to living a healthy lifestyle.

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Living A Healthy Lifestyle

We want to focus on living a healthy lifestyle, whether that be mentally, physically or spiritually. We’re going to focus and talk a little bit about the benefits of living healthy lifestyles, changing your habits, and then how Ligaya and I live healthy lifestyles and make healthy choices every day. With that, we’re going to go ahead and kick it off. Ligaya, maybe you want to talk a little bit about some of the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle, either that you’ve seen or that you know that can come.

There are a lot of benefits to living a healthy lifestyle. I can tell you that there are times where I fall off track with my diet in general and I can feel a difference in my performance, not necessarily at the gym, but in how I go about my days. I’m a little more sluggish. I’m not as productive and I just want to go to sleep. I’m a big advocate for taking care of your body, mind and spirituality in general. What I like to say is if you take care of your body, your body will take care of you. That’s not to say that everybody has to eat a certain way.

Different diets work for different people. I have a strict diet. I’m a vegetarian and I can share why I went into that. I have my diet, but there’s an occasion where I was like, “I want to go eat a veggie burger.” I know it doesn’t sound exciting to a lot of people, but it fills a need when you’re craving something. That’s going to hit the spot. That’s where I see it coming in beneficial. It helps my performance in the gym. I went vegetarian because I wanted to test it out and see if I would have more endurance. I saw that Netflix documentary, The Game Changers. Did you see that one?

I haven’t seen that. Tell me about it.

It talks about the vegetarian diet and it showed some studies. They studied some of the bones from the Roman Colosseum and they had all the gladiator bones. They did a bone density study and it showed that gladiators had more fruits and vegetables in their diets than they had meat. It also interviewed Olympians that went from eating meat to not eating meat and how it changed and fueled their performance. It also talked about how men change their performance in bed. They did a study on a couple of football players and they had a burrito full of meat. They slept and it showed how a man is erect while he sleeps or whatever. I’m not a man so I don’t know that part of biology.

It showed another study with the same guys and they ate vegetables. They did a study when they slept and they show that they were erect longer. I’m not a dude so I can’t relate to that. It shows how it affects your body. Another reason why I watched it is because Nate Diaz wasn’t on it but they did cover his story. If you don’t know who Nate Diaz is, he’s a UFC fighter. I’m a big Nate Diaz fan. He’s one of my favorite male UFC fighters out there when he was in the UFC. He retired from it or at least he keeps saying he is.

It did talk about how he and his brother are vegan. He was going against Conor McGregor and Conor McGregor was like, “I eat steak and I’m eating this red meat. I’m plumping up and I’m going to ground and pound you when I get into that cage.” Nate Diaz destroyed him during that fight. I like to say destroyed because I’m a Nate Diaz fan. He won that fight. The subject was a little more biased to him on The Game Changers. It was another topic where the vegetarian diet itself does help you with performance and endurance, and it is beneficial for athletes to do.

That’s where I changed up my diet to help me in more of a physical way and I do see a difference. I did see I have more endurance in the gym. I could push myself longer, harder and faster. I’m not as sluggish. I don’t feel heavy after a meal unless it was pizza and I had a bunch of bread. Moving on from that, your mental health. I experienced anxiety and depression towards the end of my career. I experienced depression more than once in my life. I experienced it towards the end of my career at corporate America. The anxiety was something where I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I had to mentally learn how to love myself, take care of myself, talk to myself nicer, and be a little more patient with myself.

I pray and I meditate. I like to start my day with a clear mind, so I try not to look at my phone when my day starts. A lot of those things go into me taking care of my mental health. I like being in nature. Being in Austin, there are so many hiking trails, lakes and everything that you can get to. Being in nature helps your mental health. There’s something about plants that make me happy. I became a plant mom because when COVID happened, we’re always home, but I found my outlet, gardening and going outside planting. I get happy when I see my plants. They’re sprouting flowers and they’re starting to bloom.

I came back from Miami and they didn’t water my plants and I was like, “Oh, man.” I’m trying to nurse my lavender back to good health and I’m like, “Come on. Don’t die on me.” They become my friends. It sounds crazy. They become a sense of peace and happiness for me. That’s my long-winded story of the benefits of living a healthy life. I could probably go on and on and talk about it more. What would you say, Jenny? I know you workout a lot and stuff. What do you think about that?

Before we get into the specifics of how each other lives a healthy lifestyle, it’s important to address some of the initial benefits of living that healthy lifestyle. First, which probably going to be the most obvious, is what’s going to help you maintain a healthy body physically? Weight loss or maintenance comes to the forefront. It’s helping you transform your physique, improve your blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and everything that goes into keeping you alive longer.

I have found some of the additional benefits are the better sleep that I get at night and my increased energy levels. I used to be someone before I got into making sure that I was living a healthy lifestyle both mentally and physically, was the lack of good sleep that I felt I was getting, and the number of cups of coffee that I needed to help me get through the day. If you get a good night’s rest, your energy levels for the next day are going to be predetermined.

If you take care of your body, your body will take care of you.

I’m one of those crazy people that go to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 at night because I wake up at 3:30 in the morning. I can start my day by going to the gym. People say I’m crazy, but at the same time, if I’m getting the right amount of sleep that I need and I’m making sure that I’m timing all that right, I can make it through the workday perfectly fine. The third one is your improved mental health. People talk about how living a healthy lifestyle has been able to improve your mental well-being. It helps you manage your stress and improves your mood. We’ve already talked about the sleep factor, which affects your mood.

When you talk about physical exercise or physical stimulation, your brain releases endorphins and those endorphins are going to be the things that keep you happy and give you energy. I can say from experience because it’s so important when you’re physically exercising that you take what we call the rest days where you make sure you rest your body and let your body recover. People tell me all the time when my rest day is because I’m a cranky bitch. I don’t get the same physical stimulation that I get.

I did get enough sleep, but at the same time, I didn’t get that run or I didn’t get that 30 minutes on the bike that I got that morning. People can usually tell. I like to plan my rest days on days that I know I’m not going to be super busy at work. It’s interesting how that can improve your mental health and boost your mood. The big thing is the prevention of disease and injury. Choosing to make healthy lifestyle choices by choosing not to smoke, eating healthy, and exercising regularly can help offset a lot of these different things that you put yourself at risk for later in life like heart disease, lung disease and depression.

Think about drinking in moderation. If you’re able to control that, you’re able to live a longer life, free from that type of disease. You see people later in life or even relatively early in life who are making unhealthy choices suffer from things like hypertension, diabetes, kidney disease and cardiovascular disease. I’m not a doctor. Maybe we could have a doctor on to talk about this at a later time. People who choose not to smoke, eat healthily and maintain that healthy lifestyle and a healthy weight can maintain their health in a lot better way.

When we say healthy weight, we’re not saying to be sticks and bones because in some cases, that is not healthy. I’m 5’2″. On some days, I walk around at 140 and on some days, I walk around at 135. Before my son was born, I was walking around about at 120s, but I’m happy in the weight class that I’m in. You don’t have to be a zero to be considered healthy. You just have to be healthy to be considered healthy. Eat healthily. Eat your fruits, veggies, salads and healthy proteins.

Don’t eat McDonald’s three times a day.

Not at all. I can think of other places I could go to if I really wanted to.

If I want to have a cheat meal, I will probably go somewhere else.

If I’m going to McDonald’s, it’s probably because my kid talked me into it. Even now, if my kids are like, “Can we go to McDonald’s?” I’m like, “Let’s go to Chick-fil-A or somewhere else.” When you realize it too with COVID, it showed you where people are with their health because I know people that have gotten COVID. I know some of my friends that are active people and eat right. They watch what they put in their bodies or they don’t drink. They recovered from it. They’re probably just out for a bit and recovered okay, but then I knew people that didn’t take care of their bodies. They’re overweight. They don’t eat healthy at all. They don’t drink a lot of water. They were in ICU.

It was telling because they’re not too far off in age with us or even the older people that got sick that were able to bounce back from it. There are also older people that got sick and they didn’t take care of their bodies in the same way. You saw it affect them a little bit harder. Thank God that none of them had anything serious happen to them. Nobody passed away from or anything like that, but I can see the difference in people. When COVID hit, I saw a difference in my friends in their different lifestyles and how it affected them. I have to agree 100%. Going back to how I said it, if you take care of your body, your body is going to take care of you. That’s a good point there.

I don’t think we can speak completely on COVID and how it certainly affected people because we saw completely healthy people out there suffer greatly. We saw unhealthy people be able to bounce back from it. It will be interesting to see a lot of the statistics going forward.

G100 6 | Healthy Lifestyle
Healthy Lifestyle: With a vegetarian diet, you have more endurance in the gym. You can push yourself longer, harder, and faster.

A lot of things that happened with COVID had to do with serious conditions with a lot of people that are affected by it as well. I was speaking in general to my friends that live normal lives like me and got it and they don’t have any serious conditions. This is what I did see and how they did or didn’t react, and how their body did or didn’t take it. These are some of the differences I saw and a lot of it came down to how they were taking care of themselves before then. I’m a little weird. I’ve said that I want to live to be 100 years old. It’s a cool and scary feeling at the same time. When I switched to being vegetarian, I was also reading about people that did live to be 100 or over 100 years old. A lot of those people primarily had fruits and vegetables in their diet, so I was like, “Maybe this isn’t a bad idea after all.” Going back to goal-setting, maybe this will help me in my goal of living to be 100. I don’t know. When I turn 90, we’ll see if I still feel that way.

If you still want to live.

I’ll be like, “Just kill me now.”

We’ll see at that point what the world is like and be like, “I think I’m ready to go. I’ve lived my life.”

“Just give me a burger. I want to go fast.”

We talked a lot about goal-setting and how living a healthy lifestyle and making these healthy lifestyle choices do coincide and interlink a lot with what we talked about in our goal-setting episode. Maybe we can talk a little bit about how you change your habits because the first step to living a healthy lifestyle is changing some of the choices that you’re making. That requires some habit changing because we all have different habits. Let’s talk a little bit about how we can change our habits to make more healthy habits.

It starts with commitment and self-discipline. Those are my big thing. Anytime I talk to anybody about change or wanting to do something, I’m like, “It’s a commitment to yourself and it’s self-discipline,” because it’s easy to fall off track. I changed the way I drink now. I’m not going to say I don’t drink, but I’ve scaled back on how much I drink and how often. I don’t do liquor anymore. If I do drink liquor, it’s probably a margarita. It has tequila in it or something. I’m drinking tonic water and vodka, but I’m at home and I probably have 1 or 2, and then I’m done.

It’s mostly wine. I might drink beer if I’m on a fishing trip or at the beach or something. Wine is my thing. I’m a wino. I had to change it because it wasn’t helping my anxiety. First of all, I’m a mom, so I couldn’t go out and get hammered the way I did in my twenties, and get up and move around in life. By the time I hit my late twenties, I was like, “I can’t do this anymore.” I scaled back on how I was drinking. When I went through dealing with anxiety, I would notice that the alcohol wasn’t helping. Alcohol increases anxiety.

I don’t think a lot of people know because people oftentimes think of short-term benefits versus long-term benefits of certain choices. A lot of people, when they get 2 or 3 beers in them, they’re happy and talkative. They want to go do something. Sometimes, that does happen. At the same time, alcohol is a downer. When you wake up in the morning from that, you’re not going to feel great. You’re going to feel sluggish, lethargic and bloated. People don’t think about what the long-term effects can be like when they make these choices. That’s a thing that I’ve done as well and I don’t partake in drinking as much as I used to, at least in college or for quite some time after that. I try and focus on other things.

Alcohol releases the levels of serotonin in your brain, which affects your anxiety if you’re dealing with anxiety. I would realize sometimes after drinking, even if it was just a couple of glasses of wine, my sleep would be interrupted or I’d be waking up with rapid heartbeat or I’d be waking up like, “What happened? What’s going to happen?” I started taking note of that. What am I doing every time my anxiety is high? What are the differences? Alcohol was a common denominator. It makes me sound like a real drunk, but I’m not.

That’s how bad my anxiety was that a little bit of alcohol would kick it into gear. I had to say, “No more.” I had to stop. My anxiety is way under control. It kicked in gear when a deal went bad and I was like, “WTF.” For the most part, my anxiety is under control and so is my drinking, so I can still drink and be fine. On occasion, I’ll have maybe a bottle of wine or something like that, and then I’ll start getting sleep interruptions or I’ll start waking up feeling anxious, so I have to be mindful of that. I have to tell myself, “That’s it. No more. Just cut it out for a while before you go back over on the edge again,” or something like that.

Loving yourself, taking care of yourself, and being a little more patient with yourself helps with your mental health.

Going back to changing these bad habits, I had to change my drinking habit. I don’t see how people in my age group can get up and continue to do this every day because there are some people out there that do but I love my body too much. I love my peace, my mind and my family too much to continue to put that stuff inside of me and know that it’s going to have some effect on it. That’s not going to keep me around long enough to be with my kids or to live to be 100 or even to just get up and focus the next day.

Maybe on top of that, some different ways that I started to change my habits are understanding that things are going to happen right away. When you’re changing these habits, you have to be fairly patient about either seeing results or understanding how things are going to work. Especially when it came to things like eating, working out, and things like that. I live by the rule of two weeks. It takes two weeks to form a habit. It takes one day to break it. If you want to start living, whether it’s healthy eating, you want to eat healthier, for two weeks, no excuses, no cheat days, nothing. You would be surprised after that two weeks how you don’t crave those foods anymore.

My favorite food used to be ice cream. I loved having a bowl of ice cream at night or something sweet after dinner to satisfy my sweet tooth. After I went through two weeks of drinking some water and putting some mayo or something in it to make it taste a little sweeter, there’s no ice cream in my freezer. I barely eat it anymore unless I’m at my parents’ house and I’m raiding their fridge. Honestly, you lose that craving, so then you don’t even think about it anymore as far as that goes. Being able to visualize the habits that you want to change, identifying the habits that you want to change, and understanding what are you trying to get out of it. Remove your triggers. If your trigger is, “I want to not have soda anymore. I don’t want to drink pop.” In the Midwest, they call it pop. What do they call it in Texas? Coke?

A soda. I lived in Chicago for a bit and I was like, “Can I get a soda?” He’s like, “A what?” That’s how I learned they call it pop or fizz.

I haven’t heard they call it that.

Maybe that was a Chicago thing.

I thought they called it Coke in Texas. Everything was Coke.

It’s Coke, and then they’re like, “What kind of Coke?” “A Dr. Pepper.”

If you want to give up pop or Coke or soda or anything in between, do not have it in your home. Do not follow the deferring habits of going to the gas station and buying whatever. Just don’t have it around and you’ll find out how easy it is. Sometimes, this stuff isn’t easy like healthy eating where you’re changing a habit like, “I want to work out more.” In the first two weeks, you’ll have some negativity associated with it. I call it hangry. You’ll have that. I experienced that.

I had a sugar crash. I didn’t experience hangriness. There was a point when I was trying to cut sugar out of my diet, so I cold-turkey sugar, and then I became this cranky woman and my husband was like, “Are you okay? Are you stressed right now? Do you need something?” I’m like, “I’m fine.” I was like, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I looked back and I’m like, “I cut sugar out of my diet.” I had a sugar crash and I became agitated. It was the weirdest thing because I didn’t know that existed. That’s you being hangry. I was like, “I want a cookie.” I’m a monster without my cookies.

We talked a little bit about them and referenced what our healthy lifestyle choices are but maybe talk a little bit about how you live a healthy lifestyle and then I can go a little bit more into how I live a healthy lifestyle.

Here’s my routine. I can relate it to my routine. I don’t get up at 3:00 in the morning. I don’t even know how you do that.

G100 6 | Healthy Lifestyle
Healthy Lifestyle: Take responsibility for your decisions and make smart choices for today and for the future.

You go to bed at 8:00 at night. That’s how you do it.

At 8:30 at night, I’m fighting my six-year-old on telling him it’s time to go to bed. We’re arguing over what kind of pajamas he should wear. Anyway, that’s my story. Sleeping to me is sleeping in until 6:00 AM, but I can do 5:00. Maybe sometimes 4:45. It depends. I’ll get up early and I like to start my day with a workout. I go to the gym. I do cycling or yoga or whatever. I started doing an infrared sauna training where you’re doing isometric workouts in an infrared sauna. I love it because I love the heat. I don’t like it cold. This is why I live down south. This is why every vacation, you’re going to find me at a beach and not skiing in Colorado.

I like to start my day with a workout. If I can’t make it to the gym, I like to stretch. At least start my day with some yoga, and then whatever my workout is, I follow it up with meditation. I like to follow my meditation up with a prayer and be like, “Thank you, God, for getting me up this day and for keeping me healthy and motivated,” and whatever I say at the time. I’m not going to lie. Sometimes, the prayer doesn’t happen because I’m like, “I got to go cook these kids breakfast.” I miss it sometimes so I just thought about that. I try to make enough time for my workout. I’ll cut my meditation workout short, so I can just pray and show gratitude for this day.

Throughout the day, I’m mindful of what I eat. I eat fruits and veggies. I’m a vegetarian, but I like to eat light. I like to snack. I try not to go a whole day without eating because I don’t think that’s healthy. My husband does it and I’m like, “Ryan, you need to eat lunch,” or “You need to eat a snack,” or “Eat something. You can’t just wait until dinner.” He’s like, “I’m a busy man.” I’m like, “I know, but you need to eat.” I can’t do that so I try to eat. I might get another workout in the day.

I do know one thing that I don’t want to do as soon as I wake up. It is looking at my phone, social media, my emails, get on the computer and start working. Before I get up and start my workday, meaning, my mommy duties and whatever it is that produces me income, I have to make some time for myself. If I wake up too late, it’s 15 to 30 minutes of just prayer, meditation and stretching. My day flows better that way. I stay in touch with myself and my body and what it needs. That’s my daily healthy routine. Outside of that, when I’m going out with friends, just being mindful of how much I’m drinking and stuff like that. It’s a different conversation, but my daily consistency is those things. What about you?

One thing that I want to bring up, and this affects our mental health and I know it’s a topic that we’re going to address at some point, is your work-life balance. Especially during COVID when we’re all working remotely, it’s determining a specific workspace to create boundaries between my work and personal life. Often, people will fall into the trap of, “If I’m working from home, I can work in my bed.” What happens is it blurs those boundaries between your work and your personal life.

It’s so important for me to make sure that I’m working either at my kitchen table or I am working at my desk in my office, which I now have because when 5:00 rolls around, it is so important for me to shut everything down. My workday is done. My phone stays in that room. You cannot get ahold of me after work hours. You need to make sure to determine that. It’s during this time where everyone is working remotely that is important because it does affect your mental health.

If you always feel like you’re working or you’re always making yourself available to work, your personal life and your mental health are going to suffer. I’ve concentrated on making those boundaries apparent. The second thing that I’ve also done is making sure that I’m planning out my meals. I usually plan my week in advance, so I will buy my groceries. I’ll either go to the grocery store and now you can have them delivered if you want to be fancy.

Also, if you’re a busy mom.

If you want to be a bougie, have your groceries delivered to you. I’ll plan out every day what my meal is usually going to be. Sometimes, I’ll get off track and that’s okay. What I also do is I make wine. In my fridge, I have a giant bowl of some jasmine rice, and then a giant bowl of taco beef. If I don’t feel like cooking or if I forget to take the chicken out of the freezer to cook it, then that’s something easy where I can say, “I already have a meal prepped. All I need to do is put everything in a bowl and put it in the microwave then I have my meal.”

I’m holding myself accountable for my health and fitness goals. When I lived in Texas, I had a personal trainer. We determined what my health and physical goals were going to be. He helped me with my diet and he helped me figure out what I should be putting into my body and what’s going to help me perform the best. He helped me a lot with my fitness goals. I’ve seen more fitness people do this quite a bit more. When people ask them how much they weigh, they say they don’t know because they don’t weigh themselves anymore. I have not weighed myself and haven’t known the number for five years.

That would drive me crazy.

Remember to pray and show gratitude for this day.

If I feel better and the number doesn’t show that, then I’m going to get down. I’m not someone who’s going to get more motivated by it, so I let him keep track. I would get on the scale. He would weigh me and then he would tell me if I lost weight and tell me how much because my fitness goal was to get at a healthier weight. He never told me what the number was.

I can’t do that. I’m the type of person that has to know and I have to know now. I have to know the worst-case scenario too. That’s me. I’d be like, “Just give me the number. Just give me a hint. Am I in the 150s or the 140s?” I would have to know or it wouldn’t fly with me. I’d be so fixated on wanting to know.

I can’t know. I don’t want to know. I don’t care to know. I base it off on how my clothes fit and how my pants fit because sometimes, you can be higher in weight but your clothes fit looser.

If you leaned out or not.

Some people love seeing their weight and figuring that out, but I hate it. That’s why I don’t know what my number is and I let other people keep track of it.

I leaned out more over the years just keeping up with my workout and my active lifestyle. Before, I was a size 6 to 8 and it was fitting differently, but now I can see where it doesn’t fit me as tight or it’s a little looser. When I’ve leaned out, I’m still the same weight as I was and I still can wear the same clothes, it’s just they fit better. It comes with the territory of taking care of your body, working out, eating healthy, and all that good stuff. I don’t think we covered this. What do you do to take care of your mental health?

We address that with the work-life balance that goes big into my mental health. Another thing that goes big into my mental health is addressing any mental health challenges with a professional. A couple of years ago, everything culminated from work, my personal and professional life. One day, I woke up and I’m like, “I’m having a mental health crisis here. I’m anxious, panicky and depressed.” Neither of us is a professional or a doctor, but I have seen studies where a lot of this stuff doesn’t culminate until you’re in your 30s for women. What I did was find a professional that I can go to every week and address any of these mental health challenges that come up.

When I get anxious or when I’m having a panic attack, how do you address those things to where they don’t get out of control? A lot of people have anxiety. I would say most people have some anxiety. It’s when it gets into that state of a panic attack that you’re like, “This has gone far. How do I get back?” We worked on different exercises to bring me back into a safe space, but also addressed a lot of the different things. Maybe from my life that had affected the way I am and the way I choose and behave. Being able to address those things with a mental health professional has helped me. Also, we talk about your circle of influence and your circle of friends. Having those people that you can go to and talk to and those people that you can trust to talk about those mental health challenges.

I know I talked about my mental health too. I like being in nature, but there are some days where I’m frustrated and I got a lot of stuff going on. Sometimes I want to go to the gym. I’m not talking about the sauna. I’m talking about wanting to go put on some boxing gloves and punch someone in the face. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll show up at the MMA gym that I train at and I’m like, “Who wants to fight?” It feels good. I’m not this hardcore UFC fighter or anything like that. My stand-up game isn’t as good as my ground game, but it feels good getting this aggression out.

Sometimes I’ll go to lunch classes and I’ll do Muay Thai and Jiu-Jitsu. I’ll come back home and my husband’s like, “You feel better now.” I’m like, “I feel great.” He thinks it’s so weird how that happens. That little workout itself helps me manage some of my stress. Anxiety is a different thing. I got to put myself in a timeout. I got to breathe. I learned some breathing exercises to do when I’m anxious. The counselor that I hired taught me how to do breathing exercises and you can just do it anywhere that you go. You can do it while you’re driving or while grocery shopping and stuff. I usually can tell and feel when I’m starting to feel anxious. I’ll have to be like, “You just need to take some deep breaths and get your mind and your heart back as one.” It’s some of the stuff that I do.

Is there a goal-setting that you’re working on to try and form a habit?

Is it for my mental health?

G100 6 | Healthy Lifestyle
Healthy Lifestyle: The first step to living a healthy lifestyle is changing some of the choices that you’re making.

Either/or. It could be your physical health or your mental health. What habits are you trying to form that maybe you don’t have? Healthy eating and exercising is something that we’ve been working on, both on and off. It’s not difficult as someone who’s just starting up to get back into it. Is there something as far as you trying to make a particularly healthy lifestyle choice that you’re working on?

For me, it’s how I talk to myself. Not that I’m Negative Nancy, but my affirmations in the morning, I get these notifications that send me affirmations around the clock during the day. Looking at that and the way you talk to yourself like, “I am.” What comes after “am?” I’m making sure I’m having healthy conversations with myself, but also trying to get back into meditating regularly. I do it, but there are times where I workout too long and I don’t have time to meditate. I want to be able to meditate more. It’s a lifelong journey of being in touch with your spirituality. I have a strong faith and belief. Sometimes I’m praying and sometimes I’m like, “When was the last time I prayed?” Those are the things that I have to say. I have an opportunity and be more consistent especially with my prayers. My husband prays every night. I’m like, “Did you pray for me? Because I forgot to get it in?” I would have to say it would be those little things like the way I talk to myself, meditations and my prayers. What about you?

I’d say the same way about making sure that I’m not thinking about myself in a negative way. I caught myself one time. Somebody had told me, “Your legs are looking great.” I’m like, “Just from my workouts.” I was like, “No, they’re not.” I’m like, “Stop it. Take the compliment and say, ‘I have been working hard. They probably look different. I’d like to see the progress. We still have a way to go.’” It’s about not thinking about myself in a negative light anymore. The one thing that I am so bad at is drinking water. I’m making sure that I’m hydrating. I got this water bottle with times on it during the day so I can keep myself accountable for how much water I should be drinking every day. That one has been hard. Until I’m really thirsty, I don’t need to drink water. I don’t drink water that much.

Drinking water is the first thing I do when I get out of bed. I have a glass of water that I keep next to me. As soon as I get up, I drink it because your body’s the most dehydrated in the morning. You went 6 to 8 hours without drinking anything. The first thing I have to do when I wake up is I drink water or if I had some wine and I’m downing water before bed and I’m downing water when I wake up. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and I want water. I drink water around the clock. If I’m thirsty, I’m like, “Get out of my way.” It’s something weird about me but that’s a good habit that I have.

I’m going to try that because I always try and down my water at night right before I go to bed, but then I always have to get up in the middle of the night and pee 2 or 3 times. It’s annoying. I try to soak it up. I’ll try that in the morning. That’s a good point.

Another thing is I’m trying not to drink as much coffee. I love coffee. I don’t need coffee to get my day going, but it is refreshing. When I’m sitting on my patio hanging out with my plants, a cup of tea, which is good for you, but sometimes, I just want to drink some coffee and sit down and talk to my plants because I talk to my plants. I’m a crazy plant lady. I need to cut back on coffee consumption. Maybe 1 or 2 glasses a day. It’s not bad in the morning and in the afternoon. I’m like, “Why do I need to drink this if I don’t need to drink this?” I’m like, “I should probably switch to tea, but tea doesn’t do it the same way as coffee does.” If there’s anything in life I’m bougie about, it’s my coffee.

Ligaya, before we wrap it up here, there are a couple of things that I want to leave our readers with. We talked a lot about our healthy lifestyle choices, what we do to form habits and what healthy lifestyle choices we’re making for our mental or physical, and spiritual health. If you ask 50 different people what their healthy lifestyle choices, you’re going to get 50 different answers because there isn’t one way to be healthy. What we talked about, we certainly want you to take it in and think about it, but you don’t need to take on all the lifestyle choices that Ligaya and I choose to make. A healthy lifestyle is how you determine what things make you happy, what things make you feel good, and how you improve your health and your well-being. This is going to include your social circle, your entertainment, how you dress and different things.

How you’re looking on social media.

It can be attitudes, values and worldviews. It’s generally making sure you have a balanced life and one makes “wise choices. It’s about taking responsibility for your decisions and making smart choices for today and the future. There are some items that may temporarily feel good that we talked about like drinking that in the long term may not be healthy. You get to decide what your healthy lifestyle looks like. I do want to leave our readers with that and then I do want to leave them with a quote because I’m the queen of quotations here. Here’s our quote. It is from the Girl Boss, Gigi Hadid. She says, “Eat clean, stay fit, and have a burger to stay sane.”

I agree 100%. Have that burger from time to time.

Ligaya, I’ll turn it back to you and you can wrap it up and sign us off here.

Ladies, we hope that you took something away out of this living a healthy lifestyle. Whether you need help with your mental and your physical health, you just got to start somewhere. Take inventory of yourself, what you’re eating, and where you’re putting your time. If you’re working too much, what does your routine look like? How about we start with that? When it comes to living a healthy diet, we’ve covered mental and physical health. Those bad habits, knowing what they are, identifying what they are, and changing them. Jenny and I shared some examples of how we do it. We’d love some feedback on how you do it.

If you’ve been able to make any changes in your lifestyles lately or not, we want to hear those stories from you as well. If you have any general feedback on how this topic went, we’d like to hear from you as well. Feel free to email us at HeyGirl@Girl100.com and share some of your examples or some of your feedback with us as well. We’re going to wrap it up from here and we’ll come back to you with another episode. As we always like to say, it doesn’t matter what type of girl boss you try to be in life, just always keep it 100.

Important Links:

Circle Of Influence

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A big part of who you are has to do with who you surround with. Your circle of influence has such a profound effect on your identity and the energy that it brings can make or break your journey to success. Ligaya Thompson and Jennifer Hawley take this moment to remind you of the importance of being mindful about the people you surround yourself with and how you interact with them. They talk about the law of averages, having a board of advisors, and staying away from negative people that bring negative energy. Listen to the examples from their personal experience and reflect on how these concepts apply to your life as well.

Listen to the podcast here:

https://feeds.podetize.com/ep/3nObrM9Ik/media

Circle Of Influence

In the last episode, we talked to you guys about getting unstuck and how does it feel to be stuck and why. Now, we want to talk about your circle of influence. Your circle of influence is the people who you surround yourself with. We’re going to cover a couple of topics, the rule of averages, having a board of advisors and staying away from negative people who bring that negative energy. To start with the first topic, the rule of averages, there’s a typical rule of thumb that I like to go by. My rule of average is, “You are an average of the five closest people who you surround yourself with daily.” You’re having those conversations with them regularly. You’re engaging with them regularly. You become an average of those five people. Jenny, let’s think about this. What do you think about the five closest people who you can think of and how they influence you on a daily basis?

To be honest, that’s not something that I’ve ever thought about before. That makes a lot of sense, you being able to be the average of the five people with who you spend the most time. I don’t think that’s necessarily true in every case. I think you learn and pick up more from the friends around you than you do in all your life. People come and go from your life, but the people who have been around and who you consistently keep in your life who are a positive force are going to help you be more positive. If you constantly hang out with negative people, then you’re going to find yourself a negative person, too. If you hang out with positive people, then you’re going to be a positive person, too.

Think about even the time the guy who you and I have traveled together and talking about how we’re able to be open. We talked about different things, how our lives are going and how powerful we are being as women and as females. I feel so refreshed when I go home from trips with you. I feel like I want to go out there and get something. I want to go out there and get things done because you’ve been able to affect my life in that way.

If I had to think of like, “Who are the people who I talk to consistently every day,” there’s a variety of people like my husband, of course. He’s my best friend. I talk to him about everything and then there’s you, Jenny. We communicate daily, whether it be our sarcastic texts or the texts about why and what’s going on in our worlds. I have a good friend who I consider like my brother from another mother who I talk to on a regular basis. My sister and my mom are one of those five.

When I think about all those different personalities put together, it comes as a good balance for me because I got people who are very level-headed. I got people who are very spontaneous and who are random. Some of those, like my mom, can be an aggressive person. I’m an aggressive person. I think I got that from my mom. It balances me out because I see you guys as the people who, when I need sound advice, this is who I go to. You guys don’t all say the same things and give me the same advice, but you’ll level me out to where I know if I’m thinking or if I’m being too dramatic about a topic or not.

What do you think about the saying, “You’re a product of your own environment?” That applies to the people, behaviors and different things that you have to interact with on a daily basis. Do you think that plays a part in the circle of influence and the people who you keep within your inner circle?

Yes, absolutely. I’m a very active person. I get up, work out and eat healthily. I’m on the go all the time. I’m taking care of business. I got things to do and places to be, but I need people in my life who have that same kind of energy who are like, “We got to get up. We got to do this. We got to get our things and be in certain places.” If I’m around people who are not that motivated to get things done, they’re not that motivated to get up at 5:00 in the morning for a workout, I’m not saying that works for everybody, but that’s who I am as a person.

G100 5 | Circle Of Influence
Circle Of Influence: What you need to hear from your circle is whether they’re telling you the truth or they’re telling you what you want to hear.

Like me and you, sometimes we’ll randomly text each other before dawn and being like, “I got that workout done, girl.” It’s cool to have someone to bounce that off of because it’s like, “I did mine. She did hers. We’re going to go do our thing for the rest of the day.” You’re a product of your own environment because I could think of the situations where I was looking back in my younger life, where I was around people who were full of drama like baby mama drama, boyfriend drama, or whatever drama you wanted to call it.

They were a part of that drama and their drama rubbed off on me. I had invited drama into my life because of that. I invited it into my life because it became a normal thing like, “Everybody goes through this. Everybody feels this way.” The reality is, everybody goes through pain and feels certain ways, but it’s how you handle it. I definitely agree you’re a part of your own environment. What do you think?

Even environmentally or historically, I feel myself not necessarily pushing people away. The group of people who I consider within that inner circle has changed. Even over the years, you meet people and then you decided, “Maybe this isn’t the best person to keep as close to me as they were before. People get replaced.” Find people who are more positive influences on your life. The great thing about having that small inner circle or having that small group of people is your bonds are so much more authentic. We talked on here a lot about authenticity, keeping it 100.

Think about when you’re going through a hard time, who are those people who you want to turn to? Is it everybody and their mom? Probably not. You don’t want to be airing dirty laundry or your drama or what’s going on in your life to a huge group of people. You want to be able to find those people who you can be like, “I’m having a bad day. Can we talk about this?” To be able to lean on those people and help us carry the weight.

There have been petty things. There were times where me and my husband were arguing. I was like, “Jenny, Brian is getting on my nerves right now.” I’ll probably explain to you why he was getting on my nerves and what he did. Either we’re going to laugh it off or we’re going to talk it through and then we move on. There are also people where I can be like, “My husband is getting on my nerves right now.” I give my husband as an example because he’s the one that I’m with every single day. Chances are, at one point in time, he’s going to get on my nerves or vice versa. I’m pretty sure I get on his nerves, too.

There are also people who I can vent to about my relationship like, “My husband is getting on my nerves. We’re not agreeing on a specific topic.” They’re going to be available and talk me through it, but then they make it a bigger thing than what it is or they don’t know him the way I know him and the way some of my closest friends know him. They might try to make him out to more of a jerk than the actual situation. If you know my husband, he’s not a jerk. If anyone is a jerk in the relationship, it’s probably me. There are certain people who I can’t talk to about something.

You are an average of the five closest people that you surround yourself with on a daily basis.

Sometimes I’ll catch myself in the heat of a moment, maybe feeling vulnerable and I’ll be like, “I’m having a bad day. This conversation took place between my husband and me. It’s affecting me right now.” We’ll talk it through as friends, but then I reflect back and I was like, “I don’t know if that person gave me the best advice because that person probably doesn’t value relationships the way I value relationships.” They probably don’t value the things that he and I were arguing about on the same level or scale, where me and Brian argue about it.

There are friends where I can talk to them about the same things and they understand and know like, “This is a little rock in the road. You all need to work it out and talk it through. Everything will be fine,” or talking to friends be like, “You’re being petty. You need to get over it.” Sometimes what you need to hear from your circle is like, “Are they telling you the truth? Are they telling you what you want to hear? Are they using your misery to entertain themselves?” It’s something to be aware of.

We want to think about when we’re talking about groups of friends. Let’s go back to our super early days when we were a kid when we were in kindergarten or preschool. Remember how everyone was our best friend. Every single person was your best friend. Let’s be real. The bar back then was pretty low as far as who your best friend was.

“Do you like the color pink too, bestie?”

We had a new one every week. My mom would be like, “Who is this friend who is coming over?” “That’s my best friend.” “I thought so-and-so is your best friend.” “No, they’re not my best friend anymore.” There was no reason at that point that we had to keep our circle small when you add an entire classroom of best friends. Think about when you went to high school and having a huge circle of friends, your posse and your squad, that generally meant popularity. It was the epitome of cool.

As we go into adulthood, we lose and gain friends in almost every new chapter that we open. From school to college to work, we meet these people all in different places. As adults, we can go back, see and figure out who is a better circle of friends are. People come and go. That’s a healthy thing. Sometimes you can move on from people because they’re not necessarily the best fit in your path in life. That’s okay. It’s not necessarily a breakup. You can still consider them a part of your life, but maybe they’re not as big of a part of your life as they used to be.

It goes back to the saying that I always heard growing up like, “Sometimes people are coming for a season. There’s a seasonal friendship. There’s a reason why you guys stay friends.” Talking about friendships going into adulthood, one thing that I learned about myself was in my early twenties, mid-twenties, and late twenties, I had a lot of friends. Over time, especially as I progressed in life and my career, some of those friends didn’t stick around for whatever reason. I’m cordial with them still when I see them. We’re cool and all. Some of them, I’m not because some of them came from a place of jealousy and insecurity, where it affected our friendship because they were stuck in a rut and they couldn’t see me moving up and be happy for me at it.

G100 5 | Circle Of Influence
Circle Of Influence: Sometimes you have to move on from people because they’re not the best fit in your path in life. And that’s okay.

I also noticed that I like my own company now. I have a good time by myself because I’m honest with myself. I know what I like. I don’t have to wait around for someone else and try to figure them out, please them, or whatever. It sounds selfish, but I’m saying it out loud. I can literally go sit down somewhere and have a glass of wine by myself and tune into my favorite podcast or my favorite audiobook or pull up my laptop and start working on real estate or whatever I’m in the mood for at the specific time. I have a genuinely good time with myself. I am sometimes my very own best friend.

There were times where I was like, “I wish I had someone else’s company here that I could laugh and talk with.” I learned when no one else is around like when my husband is busy and my best friends are busy and nobody has time because there are times in your life where everybody you know is busy. I’ve learned to be at peace with me in who I am in my own company because to me it’s like, “I’d rather be alone than being with someone who is gaslighting me or someone isn’t who they say they are but they’re trying to pretend they are because they feel like it’s what I want to hear at the time or be with someone who is a narcissist, hating on you or trying to manipulate you.” I trust my own company over everything.

It goes into our topic of having a board of advisors. We touched on it like who you call for advice and help. They might not be my average of people, but they’re definitely people who are in my life, who their decisions I respect. They’re not necessarily people who live and act like me and have the same life doubts as me. We all have a different backbone, upbringing, or something like that. They’re definitely people when I call and talk to about my concerns, issues and what’s on my mind at the time are going to give it to me from their perspective. They’re going to tell me like, “Honey, you’re either being way too dramatic or you’re right in your feelings. Your feelings are valid.” Can you think of people who you have, who you look up to like your board of advisors?

I have loved that term, that board of advisors’ term. I have those people. Sometimes that’s not always your family. There are some times in your life where your board of advisors are just some friends, where you feel like that you can tell anything to them. They won’t portray your confidence. They won’t judge you. They’re not there to tease or criticize you, but they let you express your feelings and emotions. As women, that’s so important for us to have someone like that in our life. Yes, I absolutely do. I know that I’m on that board of advisors for some other people, too.

It was something that brought tears to my eyes one day. One of my best friends is someone who I’ve known since high school. We’ve been friends since the ninth grade, I remembered that we were talking about her life and some of her struggles. She had gotten married relatively early. It didn’t end up working out for her. She came home and felt like she was a failure. I started going through some things in my own relationship at the time. I remembered when I finally ended up making the decision to leave my relationship, she said, “Jenny, you are so brave.” That simple comment where someone actually looks up to you and sees you as their board of advisors and comes to you for that type of advice but also at the same time tells you how strong of a person you are, I was bawling like a baby. I was like, “That is the nicest thing that anyone has ever told me.”

You never know who you’re influencing or impacting. I’ve never had a friend and say, “Jenny, by the way, you are one of the chairs on my board of advisors.” I’ve never legitimately said that to anyone.

Whether you realize it or not, your friendships are really affecting your level of success.

Maybe we should be out there, drawing our board of advisors.

I’m calling my husband and be like, “Brian, by the way, you’re on my board.” He’s going to be like, “Duh.” Those are the things where you never know what difference you’re making in someone’s life. In my board of advisors, I’ve never sat there and said, “Joe, you’ve been like a big brother to me. One of my other friends who I’ve known for a long time.” She’s been such a good friend to me. She’s one of the most conservative friends who I have who I admire and love so much and tells me all the time exactly what I need to hear, whether I want to hear it or not. I’ve never called and said like, “Dude, I appreciate our friendship.”

Definitely, it goes to show you where you make a difference in people’s lives. I would hope that I sit on someone’s board or I’ve made an influence in their lives as well. We have these positive people in our lives who influence or lift us in a positive way, whether we see it at the time or not. We also touched in the beginning on talking about staying away from negative people who bring negative energy. There are those people out there and sometimes we don’t see it. We don’t see it until it happens. They were like, “How did that get past me?” I always felt like an idiot when I like someone, it’s like, “I like this person. They’re cool. We’re hanging out. Everything is all good,” and then true colors come out. I’m like, “How did my instincts not pick this up?” Do you ever think about situations where you’ve been around someone who probably wasn’t the best person to have in your circle and they did bring you that negative energy?

At first, it was something that I ignored. I wrote off as different things. I started experiencing a questionable red flag like things that I’ll be like, “This person isn’t healthy in my life.” People tried to point it out to me a few times, but I was like, “No. They’re cool but.” Sometimes you got to figure it out for yourself. Since you were able to coin the term board of advisors, I decided and I can’t take this one for myself, but I am going to coin my own term for my small circle of friends. Instead of a board of advisors, I’m going to call them Fat-Free Friends. The triple F, I know.

It has nothing to do with a diet. It has nothing to do with what you’re eating and what they’re eating. Whether you realize it or not, your friendships are affecting your level of success. People you spend your focus and energy on are not only influencing who you are but how you view yourself and who you’re able to become. There are some people sometimes who are in your circle of friends at the time who bring you down. You take that time and you’re able to re-evaluate relationships. Step back from toxic relationships and make your circle a little bit lighter.

We want to think about something like a fatty. It’s like pewie, sticks to you, weighs you down and makes you slow. Think about after you eat five donuts, do you want to go work out? Probably not. They’re making you lethargic and unhappy. I think it’s everyone we talked about. There’s somebody in everybody’s life who makes them feel that way. A person who you want to keep in your life is fat-free. I’m attributing that to a wonderful woman. Her name is Chalene Johnson and she does run her own show. She’s a girl boss like us. She calls them Fat-Free Friends. I’m going to coin that term. You can have your board of advisors and I will have my fat-free friends.

There you go, Jenny Craig. You have your fat-free friends. I have my board of advisors. I like how you related that back to that positive energy. When I talk about staying away from negative people and people who bring negative energy, in some cases, you won’t always get to be away from those people because sometimes those people who have negative energy in your life might be blood-related to you. You can’t get away from them, but you got to know how to deal with them. You got to know how to not let it bring you down. You got to know like, “This is who they are, but this is who I am.” You can’t forget the truth about yourself.

G100 5 | Circle Of Influence
Circle Of Influence: Protect the energy that you bring into your life because you work too hard to have anything less than what you deserve.

There were also times in certain scenarios where I’ve made friends with people and I thought things were going great. All of a sudden, I was like, “This person is full of gossip. They say they’re happy for me, but I don’t feel like they’re happy.” You can tell. You always get this vibe like this person says, “Good job. Hooray, good for you,” but I get this vibe they’re low-key jealous about it. I get this vibe that they’re talking about me when I leave the room. When you’ve worked on yourself, you love yourself and you protect your circle and the people who you bring into it, you can detect that stuff.

Ladies, listen to your instinct and intuition. If you have a person in your life where you feel like, “I think this one gaslights me, this one might be a narcissist or this one might not be happy with herself,” follow that instinct. My big ask of you is not necessarily to treat them differently or let them know like, “Hefer, I know what you think about me.” Don’t do that. Have empathy about it because that person is struggling somewhere in their life. They’re still trying to find peace and happiness with themselves, where we all at one point needed to find peace and happiness with ourselves.

Have some empathy about it. Be cordial, but be mindful of the energy they bring. If you’re going to sit down with them at lunch or sit down with them at dinner, happier or whatever, be mindful that this is who they are, but don’t ever let it break you and who you are. Don’t forget the truth about who you are, who you’ve worked on to be and who your board of advisors are. Don’t forget that truth about yourself.

You brought up a good point. Ladies, do not go on your Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram and announce to the world that you are no longer friends with somebody. That’s not what we’re asking you to do. What we’re telling you to do is make a decision to spend less time with that person maybe or put some of your energy into other things. Get yourself busy. At that point, you slowly, naturally drift apart and there’s no need for a big fallout.

Keep a safe distance. If you have to show up, show up for things that matter like birthdays or promotions. You don’t have to be at every event for them. You don’t have to be there all the time. Be mindful like, “This person has great intentions, but they have a lot of work to do.” Be mindful of that when it comes to protecting yourself, the energy and the people who you bring into your life, your circle of influence.

The rule of averages, remember, think about your five closest people, who are they and where does that put you in your averages. This could be an eye-opening experience for you where you could think like, “Maybe I should probably make some new friends. I got some pretty good people in my life.” You are the average of the five closest people who you hang out with. Think about who your board of advisors is, who you’re going to for advice and what kind of advice they’re giving you. Is it sound advice? Is this person may be setting you up for a disaster? It could be anything. Protect your energy and stay away from negative people. Please don’t mistreat them. Everybody is going through something. Try to protect the people who you let into your life. Protect the energy that you bring into your life because you worked too hard to be dragged into anything less than what you deserve.

The only piece of advice that I can leave you all with is, surround yourself with people who are on their game and people who are going to make you feel uncomfortable with being complacent because those are going to be the people who push you to be more, do more and live more.

For now, we’re going to go ahead and sign off. We hope that you liked this episode on your Circle of Influence and it gave you something to think about and meditate on. Ladies, as we always say, whatever girl boss you decide to be, just make sure you always keep it 100.

Important Links:

Getting Unstuck 

We all know that feeling: the boredom, the apathy. It’s when you know that you’ve become stuck. But what do you need to do when this happens? What do you need to change? Ligaya Thompson and Jennifer Hawley talk about what happens when you get stuck, professionally or personally. They discuss the parts of their life when they felt stuck and share what they did to move on and become unstuck.  

Listen to the podcast here:

https://feeds.podetize.com/ep/3h1r4ucef/media

Getting Unstuck  

We are excited that you decided to read this from wherever you are and whatever you are doing. In the last episode, we discussed girl-on-girl hate. In this episode, we want to explore how to get unstuck, how to live a more fulfilling life and defining your meaningful path forward. Things that we are going to discuss are what does being stuck means, how you let go of what doesnt serve you peace and happiness and taking chances and risks on yourself. Ligaya and I have both dealt with these types of situations in both our professional and personal lives. We will always keep it authentic because we are real people like you and we also have emotions. With that, Ligaya, I will pass it off to you. When we are talking about being stuck or getting unstuck, what does that mean to you? What are some different feelings that you feel when you are stuck? 

This topic is near and dear to my heart because I went through this in 2019. Feeling stuck to me is, in a sense, where I feel like I’m not growing, not progressing or I don’t feel fulfilled in what it is that I’m doing. An example would be my previous career before I ventured off into entrepreneurship. I’ve got to a point where I didn’t like my job anymore. It served no purpose for me. I would get up every day and I would go to work because it was all I knew. It took care of my family and brought me out to Austin, which was a great move for me in my career. Getting up every day and going to work was a challenge for me, mentally. The initiatives that the company would roll out, I would be like, “This is stupid.” Reflecting, it’s because I didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore. Part of me felt like I was stuck. I don’t know if that’s a word. 

Feeling stuck is when you feel like you’re not growing, not progressing, or you don’t feel fulfilled in what it is that you are doing. 

Its a word because we are authentic and this is Girl 100, so we can do whatever we want. 

We are going to get stuck and unstuck. Part of me felt like, “I don’t want to be here anymore. I hate this job.” Once upon a time, it was a great place for me to be. I loved it, I enjoyed my job, had fun doing what I did and enjoyed my coworkers but things changed. Pieces of the job changing and it wasn’t anything personal. I changed inside. I wanted more out of life but I was here in this company and didn’t know where else to go. I was like, “I can quit and go somewhere else and find another job but then I would be back at square one starting over and I would still be in the same drama with Corporate America politics.” 

Relating it on a personal level, people feel like that in relationships. People can get to that point in marriages. People might feel like that in their spiritual journey where they were like, “I want to grow and be a better person but I struggle with certain things to where I feel stuck right here. I don’t know what it is that’s going to help me push outside of that boundary or think outside of what I’m already thinking. I want to start thinking differently.” In my opinion, that’s what I translate to feeling stuck. It’s feeling stagnant and feeling like, “I need change but I don’t know where, why or how.” These were all things inside of me that I was feeling like, “Something has got to change. I’ve got to do something differently.” It’s like, “What do I do?” What do you think? Can you relate to any of it? Do you agree or disagree? 

I do want to go a little bit deeper into some of our personal experiences on these types of matters. Being stuck, everybody has been there. We have all been there. Its a point where you were not completely happy and fulfilled with your life. You were continuously allowing yourself to go through the motions. It may be you are stuck in a relationship, a job or life in general. Its this mixture of being paralyzed, depressed, overwhelmed, hopeless and being in doubt about the future. There are a lot of negative feelings that are connotated with. How many times have you told yourself you have reached your ceiling, hit a wall, stopped progressing, you are in a slump, moving in loops, at an impasse? You even said it for remaining stagnant. Its both personally and professionally. If you have utter any of those words, which we all have, you were likely in a place where you are stuck. 

A lot of times, too, it could be boredom like, “I was bored.” You talked about reaching ceilings, not progressing and hitting brick walls. Check all those boxes for me. At the end of the day, I knew that I could have pursued other positions in the company and may be refreshed and re-energized myself but it came down to like, “I was bored there and I didn’t want to continue to be there anymore. I wanted to take another chance.” We will talk about taking chances on yourself. Being there and putting money in someone else’s pocket. 

My salary at Corporate America, I started thinking on a sense like, “If I died, this salary is not going to be handed down to my kids but my investments are.” That mindset started to shift and I started to feel bored there. I didn’t want to make the guys at the top rich anymore. I wanted to work for myself, my family and leave a family legacy behind. It was like, “How do I break away from that? How do I break away from what I do every single day that I have done every single day for the past 13 or 14 years? How do I take that chance? What do I do? If I stay here, nothing is going to change. I’m going to get a new job and feel like this again.” 

As women, when you feel like that, its a time that we have to look inside ourselves and reevaluate our decisions, environments and jobs. When you are stuck, it leaves you unable to see another way to make a move, whether thats literally, metaphorically or change. Ultimately, its going to lead you to repeat the same situation or thinking over and over again. When we talk about getting unstuck and what I think about getting yourself stuck and unstuck, its all about recovering your momentum so that you are back to moving forward and actively doing something to get you where you want to go. What do you think when you think of getting unstuck? What does that mean to you? 

You mentioned recovering your momentum and it’s something that I had to do. Long story short, towards the end of my career, I dealt with a lot of anxiety, coupled with depression. I did deal with a lot of anxiety-like a fear of the future like, “If I left my job, what’s going to happen to my kids? Am I going to be able to provide for them? I know my husband can handle it but how is that going to affect him and his job?” There’s pressure being head of household and a single income. I took a lot of that into consideration. It was also like, “Am I good enough here?” 

G100 4  | Getting Unstuck
Getting Unstuck: If you’re not feeling right internally, it will affect who you are mentally and spiritually. You can’t show up and be the best version of yourself every day if you don’t figure out what is going on.

When I’ve got to the point where I was feeling stuck, I’ve also got to the point where I was questioning myself as an employee like, “Maybe I’m not good enough for this place. I will never be a leader here.” That came down from the parts of me that were depressed. It wasn’t just my job that contributed to my anxiety, but it was a factor of things, especially moving. That’s a big stressor in someone’s life. I had to put myself in a timeout. I was like, “I’m not feeling right internally. If I’m not feeling right internally, it’s affecting who I am mentally and spiritually. I can’t show up and be the best version of myself every day if I don’t figure out what the hell is going on with me.” 

I put myself in a timeout. For the first time in thirteen years, I requested a leave of absence that had to do with nothing of having a baby because the only leave of absence I ever took was having a baby. Even doing that, there was guilt to it because I didn’t want the company to be like, “Look at her. She can’t handle it.” At the end of the day, it’s how they think. I put myself in a bit of a timeout and I went to counseling. 

That’s what she talked about like, “Your wheels have been turning. You have been moving and trying to be the best employee, adjusting to your new life in Austin and trying to take care of your family priorities. You’ve probably got to a point where you are burnt out right now and that is where your anxieties are coming from. Anxiety comes with depression. You need to take a timeout and let the pieces of the puzzle fall apart. Put the pieces of the puzzle back together and you will know which pieces don’t belong anymore as you unwind.” That’s what I did. I took three months off. I wasn’t going to jiu-jitsu because I couldn’t handle it. I was getting anxious going to jiu-jitsu, which never happens. I was off the grid and kept to myself. I had to ask myself, “What do I want to do next? Do I stay here? Do I pursue this? Do I take a chance on myself? Do I pursue other things?” 

If you’re not growing, you are dying. It’s either you’re going to move forward, or you’re going to lose ground. 

In the end, when I finally made that decision of what I wanted to do next, things started to fall in place. When I pulled the plug on my job and was like, “I’m out,” it wasn’t easy to bounce back because I had to recover from that. I had to re-energize and rebuild myself into thinking, “You can do this. It wasn’t an overnight thing,” is what I’m trying to say. Recovery, in the end, is important because it’s not about how hard you fall. It’s about how you bounce back when you get up. That’s where I was going with this. 

There is a guy out there and he does several TED Talks and has many YouTube videos. His name is Simon Sinek and he is a motivational speaker. When we all think about common reasons for being stuck or getting stuck, you lack the purpose in your life or your why. He often will relate it to an organization or a company finding their value point or their why. Ultimately, it can be related to your career, personal life and you need to define your why. Get back to your roots. You need to be able to explain to yourself why you do what you do, what drives you, what your passions are and what are those things in your current environment that are holding you back from doing that. 

You always want to feel like you are not taking a step back in your career or your personal life when you are getting yourself unstuck. You always want to feel like you are taking a step forward. I have listened to a lot of his TED Talks and to a lot of different things that he talks about. It’s all about finding your why. Once you find your why, that’s going to help you define a lot of your decisions, get you out of that status quo and get you moving forward in whatever direction that you want to go. Have you heard or listened to anything from him?

He has a book, Start With Why. There’s a YouTube video out there that talks about Start With Why. You start inward and work outward. That’s what guided me when I’m brainstorming to start this clothing line that I’m trying to kick up and that’s where we were when we were talking about Girl 100. That’s also when I took that break to myself, some time off and needed to be alone. I had to think, “Why? What drives me?” You talked about passion and he talks about what drives you. 

In the end, I wasn’t passionate about getting up every day, going to the office and completing ridiculous tasks that people were doing to keep their boss off their heads. That wasn’t driving me and I wasn’t passionate about it anymore. I was passionate about being a leader there and being a leader nowadays. I came to the conclusion like, “I can still lead. I don’t need a title. I can still guide my friends through tough times. I can still stand out in a crowd of followers. I don’t need it on my business card to be a certified leader. I am a leader in life.” 

We talked about what’s your why. “Why do I show up every day to this company?” It’s because I was working towards leading, and I show up every day because this is what’s taking care of my family. When you want to talk about what’s your passion, real estate investing is my passion. There’s no better feeling than helping someone find a home or closing on a property knowing that, “Ten years from now, I’m going to hand this one down on my kid.” I started this game because of my kids. I wanted to build generational wealth for them that they can hand down to their kids. 

I didn’t have money for college growing up. I started investing because I’m like, “By the time they turn eighteen, we should have four houses or more but I want four because I want to give them some options when it’s time for college. It’s either you can go to college. We are going to sell this house. Here is going to be your tuition money.” I’ve got other options and I’m not going to say it out loud. If they knew it, they are going to be like, “Yes, we are set.” I don’t want them to think like that. My why was I do it every day for my family and my kids. My passion was real estate and it wasn’t working for Corporate America anymore. 

G100 4 | Getting Unstuck
Getting Unstuck: Get back to your roots. You need to be able to explain to yourself why you do what you do, what your passions are, and what are those things in your current environment that are holding you back from doing that.

No matter what I did at Corporate America, I needed validation. I needed someone to tell me I was a good employee or I was fine. I needed to kiss the right ass to get in the door. That wasn’t serving me anymore. I was like, “I don’t have anything to prove to you guys. I know who I am.” There were times when leaders knew my potential and purposely held me back. I was like, “Why would I want to deal with that every day?” I moved on. That’s where I started feeling stuck and boredom started to kick in. That’s when I also started to not feel like myself. I didn’t play those political games well anymore. I’ve got to a point where I was like, “I don’t care what you think about me.” 

That’s where I thought about my why and my passion. I put the two together. I was like, “My passion is not Corporate America. My passion is real estate and my why is for my kids. I’m going to dip out of here and go do something that drives me and fulfills me every single day.” Thirteen years at the company, when I left the company, it wasn’t like, “Farewell. We are going to miss you.” It was like, “Who do you think is going to be a good fit for your replacement?” I’m like, “I gave thirteen years in this company. You all borderline drove me crazy and that’s the farewell I get? Bye, Felicia.” 

We are talking a lot about moving forward and planning the next step of your life. We have talked a lot about our professional careers and how we have moved forward when we felt stuck. Some people are perfectly happy with being with the status quo. Some people are happy with maintaining that. When you are okay with the status quo, you are not going to have that feeling of disappointment, anxiety or stress. Life is going to be easy and uncomplicated. Some of the greatest people out there are saying that staying in one place is not necessarily a good thing. I want to get your input on this quote from Tony Robbins who we all know as a wonderful motivational speaker and makes odd appearances in movies sometimes. “If you are not growing, you are dying.” I want to get your thoughts initially on what that means. 

It’s straightforward. It’s either you are going to move forward or you are going to lose ground. 

Embrace failure. Failure is a learning lesson. 

Staying in one place makes us unhappy. 

The most growth you have is those periods of discomfort. The most growth that I have ever experienced is when I’m uncomfortable in a situation and I make it past it, I’m like, “I see it and I’m wiser for the next time around,” or I’m wiser in general. When you don’t allow yourself to grow, your mind and body deteriorate faster. When you are not continuously educating yourself on stuff or you are just logging into the same old BS every day and eating the same old thing in your diet every day, your mind and body are going to start to deteriorate. That’s why it’s important to put yourself in new environments. Be versatile and be adaptive. Challenge yourself. 

I competed once before. I was an athlete growing up. I was into arts and theater and I competed in a Brazilian jiu-jitsu tournament one time. It was the first time I have ever experienced an adrenaline dump. It was one of the best experiences I have had and I want to do it again. Not because I want to be the next UFC champion but because I want to challenge myself and keep growing in life. That’s how I take that is like, “If you are not growing, you are dying. If you are not trying new things and not putting yourself in new places, you are not taking care of your mind and your body.” 

Thats something I agree with is if you are not moving forward, then progress equals happiness and staying in one place can often make us unhappy. We talked a lot about professionalism and how we have gotten unstuck in our professional lives. There are also a lot of personal items that you talk about when you talk about getting unstuck. Have you ever had something happened on the personal side of your life where you were like, “I need to make a change,” and you take a risk, be brave and make those changes? 

On the personal side, that’s a tough one for me because I’m fun and boring at the same time. I know how to have a good time but I also have always prioritized my kids and my husband. For the past several years, that has been my life. My marriage hasn’t been sprinkles and cupcakes. We have had some times where we were down but in my personal relationship with my husband or me as a mother, I never had a time where I felt stuck. I had times where me as a mother, I’m like, “What can I do better for my kids?” I have those conversations with myself probably twice a week. 

There was a relationship and I will name no names but someone near and dear that I love so much. We fell off and I don’t know why. It was hard getting through and talking. I’ve got to the point where I felt stuck within myself because I wanted more from this other individual and it wasn’t happening. It takes two people to make a relationship thrive but I couldn’t always be the one to reach out, and then you hear things that they say about you behind your back and you were like, “That was screwed up. You forgot all the good things that happened between us. You focused on the negative.” 

For me, it was a sense of, emotionally, I felt stuck and I had to let that relationship go away. I had to let that part go. It wasn’t easy but it helped me move forward because I stopped discounting the bad parts of me. As much as they want to lie and whatever they say about me to people, I know where my heart is and I know what I have tried. If they want me in their life, then I don’t want to be in their life. Emotionally, when I let that go, I moved on. Over time, it has gotten easier for me. There were times where it was hard for me to deal with it and stuff. This was someone close to me. 

That would be the closest thing I would say on a personal level. I felt stuck in this one relationship with one person in particular and I felt like nothing was going to change. It didn’t make sense for me to keep trying and keep hurting myself. When I reached out and got the same response but expected something different, that didn’t make sense for me to continue to do that anymore. I’m like, “I’m going to move on. I’ve got to move on with my life. I’ve got to focus on myself and I’ve got to feed my heart the things that make me happy because I can’t be so busy worried about why this individual feels the way they feel.” That’s not just me. What about you? Is there any time personally where you felt like you had to move on from something? 

You should know this right off the bat. We have been friends for way too long. I spent the better part of the year that I graduated from college to almost the entire time that I lived in Texas in a relationship. I could spend hours talking about exactly what went wrong or where we went wrong with each other and how it didnt work out. I felt stuck in a relationship that I wasnt sure if I wanted to be in anymore. The reason that we were together felt like it was because everything was the next logical step but not necessarily because we were ultimately each others person. 

We spent the better part of a decade together and moved across the country. We moved 1,000 miles away from our families. It was scary making that decision and trying everything that we could to try and save that relationship but ultimately, peoples life plans change sometimes. You start going into different parts of your life as you get older and sometimes, you dont align with each other anymore. Probably the most difficult and the riskiest but also the bravest thing that I have probably ever done was admitting that it was time to move on at that point and allow us to move on and allow each other to find our person. 

Before my husband and I got married, we had problems in our relationship like every young couple does. We also agreed like, “Let’s sit down with a couple’s counselor. Let’s give it a shot and see if this relationship is worth salvaging.” We didn’t want it to just be about the kids because we had kids before we’ve got married. As much as we love each other, we hated each other, too. When we sat down with a counselor, one of the things that he told us is like, “When people get married or in general, in relationships, why they fail is usually the top two reasons are one, money and two, change. You change as a person emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. If you don’t keep up with each other or you don’t embrace that with each other, that’s going to tear you apart.” That’s what happened prior to us getting married. We were changing and dealing with different things. We were young, too. We were out of high school and going into college. You were then figuring out who you are. We were becoming two different people and growing apart. To relate to a personal experience where I felt stuck, that will probably have to be the closest time. 

We are women. In a lot of this show, we talk about how we are going to keep everything authentic. We are not any different from anybody else out there. We all have the same thoughts of our professional life, personal life or relationships. We have had relationships. You are married and have kids. Im not married and have no kids. Almost every woman has felt those things and thats the crux of why we came together and why we wanted to do this because we felt that what we were going to offer out to women was something that was going to be like, “We are like you. We can be your girlfriends. We can talk about this.” We have a lot of the same problems and challenges. 

Next, what I wanted to go into is maybe talk about some different ways that you can do in your life now to help you get unstuck. I found this interesting article. Im the queen of quotes and articles. When we talk about or decide what topic we are going to do for our episodes, I go out and I do a little bit of research and I find some interesting articles. There are three simple steps. We will all go into them, which are discover, plan and execute. When it comes to discovering, its discovering your regret-free life. This is on Medium.com. What that means and what the author of this blog talks about is, “The choices that we make today dictate the life we have tomorrow but to know what choices to make today, we have to get clear on what we want tomorrow to look like.” We need to figure out how we do this. 

I did it in 2019. 

That was a powerful statement. What we want our tomorrow to look like, how do we do it? How do we get there? What does that look like? You’ve got to do some inter discovery and some soul searching to discover what you want. You’ve got to do some self-evaluation on how you feel mentally, how you feel physically and how you want to add value to the world. That goes back to finding your why and what your why is. 

That ties into letting go of what doesn’t serve you peace and happiness because everybody wants to live a happy life. I don’t think I know anyone that says, “I want to be miserable for the rest of my life.” There are people out there that are miserable but they choose that. When you think about what you want your tomorrow to look like, I don’t think I have ever gone to bed at night, laid my head on the pillow, and be like, “Tomorrow, my goal is to get as pissed off as I could get.” That was never been my goal. My goal is like, “Tomorrow, I’m going to get up, attack the day, do this and that.” You’ve got to let go of what doesn’t serve you peace and happiness with that, too. You’ve got to get rid of those distractions, negative feelings and people in your life because if you hold on to that stuff, it’s not going to yield happiness. 

G100 4 | Getting Unstuck
Getting Unstuck: At the end of the day, let go of what doesn’t serve you peace and what doesn’t bring you happiness. Find your why, live with passion, and bet on yourself.

I had to let go of taking time in my day. I had to let go of things that are a waste of time in my day. How much time am I spending on social media? I don’t post a lot of personal things anymore on my social. Occasionally, I will jump on and look at Ratchet Memes because I need a good laugh but I had to let go of that. When I left my previous job, I had to weigh it out. I spend eight hours in a day away from my family at this place that I’m not feeling and it doesn’t bring me happiness. It brings me home frustrated and annoyed. I’ve got to let that go. That ties into that. In my opinion, that’s a good one. 

The author of this blog talks a lot about finding the people who inspire you and get you in the right mindset for growth. Once you get yourself in that right mindset, the idea of who you want to be, what you want to do, what mattered, what your priority was, what your direction is, that’s when you go into the second step, which is creating your roadmap. The next step is to make a plan to get there. Now you have this mindset and direction of where you want to go. You have to create how you get there, so create your roadmap. You need to go. Nothing changes if you are going to sit there, do nothing and have this goal in mind. 

It ties back to our first episode of goal setting. Come up with a plan. You’ve got a new version of you coming up. What is that version of you look like? How does she get up every day?

Something that I find the most ironic is when we talk about getting unstuck. When people feel unstuck, probably the most common mistake out there is you continue to go through the motions and you take steps back into being normal, comfortable because it’s what you know. When you do that, you are blaming the universe for throwing you such unfavorable dice. You are going back and you were like, “I have the worst luck when it comes to thisI hate my bossI dont know what to do next.” Change is only going to occur the moment you decide to make a change in your life. Stagnation is only temporary if you take it upon yourself but its permanent if you dont take the initiative. 

I know people that blame everything on everything else but them. When the universe is throwing all these curveballs at you, they were like, “That person did this and this person did that.” Sometimes, you’ve got to stop and look inward like, “What are you doing differently? How are you responding to that differently?” If you give it the same BS response every time or if you have the same crappy attitude every time, then you are not going to grow. If you try to embrace it and take the challenge, you are going to learn something different about yourself or life. I thought about that because you talked about how people are saying, “The universe is throwing things at me. This and that.” The universe is trying to tell you something, “Look inward.” 

People are comfortable staying in the same situation. They are scared of taking risks and being uncomfortable. For a small period of time, they are going to continue being stuck. Until you get out of that mindset and get off your ass, do something about it and take the initiative, everything is going to remain stagnant in your life. Its scary. You said you left your job of thirteen years and I left the same company after I had spent five years with them. Five years isnt as much as thirteen years but its still a scary step. Its like, “Now I have to start over. Is this the right step? What happens if I realize I make a mistake and I come back?” Theres everything thats running through your mind. Until you make that step and start taking action from it, its going to remain stagnant. You are going to remain in a stuck spot where you feel like you are in a corner. 

You were there for five years and I was there for thirteen. When I left at thirteen years, I reflected and was like, “I should have done this a lot sooner,” once I have ventured off into real estate. I have a friend who’s an agent and she was my agent for all the properties I bought in Houston. Since 2010, she has been telling me, “You need to go into real estate.” It took me so long to make that move. I reflect and I’m like, “I should have left a long time ago. I shouldn’t have waited thirteen years to pull the plug.” I also reflect and I’m like, “I don’t know if I would have been ready 5 or 6 years ago.” I left when it was time for me to leave because I went through a lot and I learned a lot. I’m a big believer in timing. Timing is everything. Sometimes, I wonder, “Had I left 1, 2 or 5 years into my career, I don’t know if I would be where I’m at now. I don’t know if I would have had the same experiences and the same income.” 

This goes into the third step of it, which is following through. Consistency and follow-through are the big part where people are going to struggle. Its all about setting your mind to do something and doing it no matter what. Thats going to determine and give you your growth mindset. There are a lot of people out there who are going to choose comfort over growth. Everybody has that. You go through the fail, bounce back and you cycle over and over again.  

You are not always going to get it right but make sure that you have the motivation and always building your momentum forward because your momentum is going to lead to consistency. Start now. Determine when you are going to start getting unstuck. If you feel stuck, start now getting unstuck because you have to determine these three steps of how you are going to get yourself out of this rut. You have to start now. You said it took you ten years, a better part of a decade to finally up and leave. Unless you keep pushing it off, every moment is going to be a new chance to start building your momentum. 

Embrace failure. You talked about failure. It is a learning lesson for me. I would rather fail fast, get it over with, learn about it and move back on. When I left my corporate job and started venturing off into building my legacy and doing my own thing, I failed. There were conversations I have and I sound like an idiot like, “That lender probably thought I was crazy.” You have to go through those times and those feelings. There are deals I lost that I reflect and I’m like, “I probably should have positioned that or this differently. I probably should have said that to that agent.” Part of learning is failing. If you cannot handle failure, you will not grow. You will not get your essence stuck. You are going to stay there forever and shrivel up. They say if you are not growing, you are dying. You are going to turn into a prune. 

What we want to leave our readers with when we close out is feeling stuck is a fixable thing. Its not something that you have to be within forever. Its not a feeling that you have to be there forever. When you get clarity and discover what you truly want, make your plan to get there and start making those choices that are aligning with that roadmap and with that discovery so you can begin to feel unstuck, whether thats getting a job promotion or working on a new project at work where you will feel a little bit more fulfilledanything in your relationship or anything in your life diet. We are going to talk a lot about healthy living and how we set goals. 

We want to keep in mind that this is all a process and its going to take trial and error. Its not going to be a straight path to getting unstuck. You may not get it right the first time. Its all about allowing yourself to figure it out as you go. Your ultimate goal is going to be growth. Its not perfection. You dont get it perfect the first time. I will tell you from experience. When I left that job of five years, I went to a company that I thought was the right move for me but it ended up not being the right move and thats okay. I spent about 1.5 years there and then I planned my next move. 

Take chances on yourself. Believe in yourself because if not you, then who? 

Now I’m with another company that I truly do enjoy my job. Im learning something new and challenged every single day. Thats where I feel comfortable in the uncomfortability. Make sure that we are out there and striving to continuously move forward. Its going to be a slow process. Its not going to happen all at once. Allow yourself open to change, however, small the steps may be. Ligaya, is there anything that you want to leave us with? 

Bet on yourself is the last thing that we wanted to tie into this is taking chances on you. When I left my job, I know for a fact I had people saying, “She’s not going to make it.” Who cares? Haters are out there but take chances on yourself. Believe in yourself because if not you, then who? At the end of the day, let go of what doesn’t serve you peace and what doesn’t bring you happiness. Find your why, live with passion and bet on yourself. 

With that, we are going to sign off here. You will find out next episode what we are talking about. In the meantime, always remember that whatever girl boss you decide to be, what is it? 

Always keep it 100. 

Everyone, have a great night or day. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, keep it 100. 

Important links:

Stop The Girl Hate

Girl hate has existed since time immemorial. From the competitions you get into during your school days all the way to the insecurities you experience in the workplace as an adult, women have found themselves in this kind of situation one way or another. Aiming to put an end to this toxicity, Ligaya Thompson and Jennifer Hawley discuss the seven common reasons behind girl hate. They dive into how women should stop comparing themselves to other women, why you should have your own idea of success, how to deal with the stereotypical pressures of society, and the importance of trusting your intuition. The two also warn about the “snapshot” nature of social media, explaining why everything posted online must not be taken as the entire picture of reality.

Listen to the podcast here:

https://feeds.podetize.com/ep/cW86uTP5S/media

Stop The Girl Hate

In the last episode, we talked to you about goal setting. In this episode, we’re talking to you about stopping the girl hate. Girl hate is a thing. Jenny and I are going to cover what exactly is it. Why do we believe girl hate exists? How we can be a part of the solution to stop the girl hate? I’m going to hand it over to Jenny to let her kick it off. Jenny, what’s your definition of girl hate? What do you think it is?

Thanks, Ligaya. When it comes to girl hate, it will come down to why girls are consistently feeling threatened by the other women around them. It’s girls hating on other girls. It’s something that we experience every day. It’s something that even you and I and anybody subconsciously does. It’s almost like internal misogyny, a subconscious presence of hateful, sexist, misogynistic language onto oneself or onto another girl. Instead of it coming from a man to a woman, it’s going from woman to woman. It’s created by stereotypes, learned both consciously and subconsciously. It will come from the rules and myths about the way that women should be. It’s a big question about, why we are all being Regina George to each other? Everybody is a Regina George to somebody else.

You did touch on it. It’s what it says it is. It’s girl hate. You brought up Regina George. I remember that movie, Mean Girls when it came out. Every female has related to that movie, whether you were the girl hater or you were the girl getting hated on. I expressed to you growing up that I was on both ends of the spectrum. We’ve probably all have been on both ends of the spectrum. Being in high school, you’re young and popular. It’s a competition. I was a homecoming court at one point in high school. It was always a competition on who’s prettier, who has more friends, who hangs out with the different social groups that they have there. There are those girls that weren’t as popular. They could have been getting picked on because maybe she didn’t have the trendiest clothes, she was a little on the nerdy side or that one’s a little goth.

Should it exist? No, I don’t think it should. I overtime have grown to appreciate people’s stories, their backgrounds and who they are as their own individual person. When you’re younger, you don’t think like that. You’re immature, making dumb decisions. You then get older, either you’re okay with who are or you’re not. If you’re not, that’s when girl hate continues to exist in your life. In summary, girl hate is an insecurity too. At a young age, we’re all insecure but once you start getting into your late 20s, 30s and so on, you should already have a definition of who you are. You should either be working on being comfortable with who you are. If you’re not, you’re miserable in life, you’re not happy and things aren’t going the way they’re planned, then that can attribute to having girl hate towards other girls, especially when you see them being successful. Have you ever been in a scenario at work where you worked for this miserable female boss or even had a miserable female coworker on your team that made your job a little bit more complicated?

There have been many instances of that. What it all stems back to is, why in this day and age are we okay as women in a professional environment with jealousy being first for other women who are successful? It’s almost like jealousy and competitiveness towards other women comes first, and then congratulations come second. What do we do to flip that on its head where we can be proud for them being the strong and successful women that they are?

Jealousy is also indirect relationships with insecurities. In my opinion, I feel like certain women who do still carry around a lot of jealousy towards others is because they have a lot of insecurities that they haven’t worked through. We’re all insecure about something. Nobody’s perfect. I have my own insecurities. When I have feelings that aren’t the most positive feelings, I have to ask myself, “Where are you coming from? Where is your head at? Why do you feel this way?” I have to trace it down and be like, “Am I being insecure about this? Have I lost confidence in myself on the subject?” It all depends. If someone doesn’t know how to have those honest conversations with themselves, it leads to a lack of confidence in themselves, which leads to jealousy.

G100 3 | Girl Hate
Girl Hate: Not all your friends are going to be your advocates in the long run.

When you see somebody in the office or one of your group of friends that thrives and getting job promotions, getting married or living her best life, whatever it may be, it makes you feel some kind of way. Maybe you should take a step back, check yourself and see where you’re at. When I see people thrive, I feel good about it. When I see my friends getting the job they want, getting married or bought their first house, they got their first luxury bag, I’m like, “You go, girl. You do you.” It’s cool. It’s an inspiration for me. She did hers. I’m going to go out there and I’m going to do mine.

I do want to take a step back. You brought up a point where you talked about pop culture and the notion that girls have to be perfect or the best at everything. We get a lot of influence from billboards and magazines. Social media is so huge. Let’s think about the Disney movies that we’re watching. All of these princesses, none of them had female friends. It never showed a positive female-female interaction. It was always one female competing with another female. Think about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. There was Snow White and there was the witch. They were competing with each other. Think about The Little Mermaid.

The Little Mermaid was my favorite. I still know every word to every song on the soundtrack. It wasn’t necessarily the princess competing. It was the princess minding her own business, living life, getting into adventures. You have this witch. Ariel had Ursula lurking in because Ariel was cute. That guy, Eric, thought she was a babe. She wanted some of that. She wanted Ariel’s voice because she thought Ariel had a great voice. Ariel went out to get her. Not to make this about The Little Mermaid or anything, but there was always that witch that was out to destroy some princess’s happiness or keep some hold on her to where she couldn’t be happy and live her best life. We all have run into that person. Maybe still to this day sometimes we happened to meet people that still have those traits.

I worked with a woman who was the worst woman I have ever worked with. She was my peer and then moved into my manager. When she moved into being my manager, I hated my job because of her. I couldn’t get anything right. She was never like, “Good job.” It was always like, “You could do better. I don’t like your attitude.” She would tell other people I had an attitude. It wasn’t me. It was her. I know it wasn’t me because when I would break out of her shadow and start communicating with other leaders and other people in the company, they’d be like, “I’ve heard bad things about you from such and such but I don’t see that in you.” I’m like, “I know. Such and such hated me. I don’t know why. She hated a lot of people.” I think there are still a lot of women out there that haven’t figured that part out about themselves. They’re still on a witch hunt to destroy people and their happiness.

It comes up so much in our professional environment, but also in our personal interactions. Let’s think about when we were down in Miami for our show kickoff trip. Think about how many times you looked at women who are walking around and subconsciously thought to yourself, “Oh, my God.”

I was looking at her and was like, “She’s a babe. Look at that. I think she’s only wearing a string.” There are women who were looking at her and were like, “Ugh.” It was a bit too much. For the most part, there was a mixture of girls out there. There were some cute girls. I remember when we were hanging out one night in South Beach and we saw the young girls with their little skin-tight dresses that were all bright and colorful with their colorful heels. We’re like, “Remember when we were that young? We used to dress like that.” I’m sure they have girls in their age group that are like, “Look at these skanks.” They were cute. They were doing their thing and living it up. It made someone else uncomfortable.

It subconsciously comes up. It’s going to require our ability to look past what other people expect from us and focus on what we expect from other people.

Jealousy and competitiveness towards other women always come first. Congratulations come second.

Trust your intuition. There are times where I make friends and I’m like, “Something is off.” I’ve shared that with you. You usually know when you have a friend who is not a true advocate for you. They’re an advocate for you when things are going better in their life, but when things are going great in your life, are they still like, “The guy’s got it going on. Jenny’s doing her thing.” Think about friends you have where you might have said, “I launched my own podcast.” They’re like, “You’re podcasting? I didn’t see your Instagram. I’m barely on social media these days.” Those are also the same people that post selfie after selfie. They leave breadcrumbs to their entire life on social media. It’s like, “Check me out when you get a chance.”

Your intuition sometimes will tell you, “I don’t feel like that person’s happy for me.” I have to ask myself, “Am I overthinking it? Is this who this person really is?” Sometimes you run across those people in life. They all seem to have the same traits as the people that I’ve met. It’s a downer. It’s like, “I like this one. She’s cool but I feel like she still needs to work on being happy within herself. I don’t see where she’s happy for her friends or for anyone outside of her.” Ladies, if you have a friend like that in your life or a coworker, trust your intuition. If you can’t figure it out, then simmer on it. Time will tell. People’s true colors will come out over time. Not all your friends are going to be your advocates. It is what it is.

There’s something related to that that I want to bring up before. I get into an article I found about 7 Reasons Why Girls Hate on Each Other. How many times have you had a friend tell you or have a conversation with one of your girlfriends and they’re like, “I hate girls? “

I hate when they say that.

Why do you hate girls?

I’ve heard it since high school. It’s like, “Why?” It’s because we have enough pressure on ourselves as women. We have pressure from society. We have pressure from trying to move up the ladder and what used to be dominated by men everywhere. We have people telling us how skinny to be, how tall to be, what color makeup we need to wear when it’s in or out of season. We have enough pressure. If you’re a mom, you got all the pressures. We need to stop putting that type of pressure on each other and embrace each other’s uniqueness. If you hate girls, if you sincerely feel that way, then maybe you should analyze the girls that you talk to. I can guarantee you, it’s not girls. It’s the girls that you’re talking to. I got a lot of cool girlfriends from all different walks of life. When I hear someone say, “I can’t stand girls,” I’m like, “Why? Maybe you should check your circle and figure that out.”

G100 3 | Girl Hate
Girl Hate: Women must stop putting pressure on each other and embrace everyone’s uniqueness.

That’s something that we’re going to bring up in one of our later episodes about your circle of influence. I found this interesting article at Gaia. It’s by these two women with a blog called A Way Abroad. They came up with an article about 7 Reasons Why Girls Hate on Each Other. I wanted to list them out and then talk about each and every one of them. One, we see each other as direct competition.

If you didn’t play sports in high school or if you weren’t involved in any competitive activities, you don’t know how to deal with competition. I agree.

It’s a competition if you want her job. You want to be able to have the free time to travel or have the money to travel. You like her personality and think she’s funny or witty. If you want a job like hers, “How did you get there? Tell me. I want to be like you.” If you want to know how they travel so much or how they’re able to afford to travel, tell her to give you some recommendations. If you think she’s funny, why is she not your friend? We have enough of those together. We see positive qualities in women and turn them into negative ones in our head.

Don’t make it be like, “I want to be like her.” Maybe you should be like, “She’s inspirational. I want to move like that. If I want to pick up and travel for the weekend, I want to be able to pick up and do it. I want to have the job that I like waking up for. I want to be able to get into that kind of outfit, carry myself and have a good time.” I wouldn’t make it necessarily about, “I want to be like her.” That sounds a little psycho. Remember that movie Desperately Seeking Susan? Have you ever seen that one with Madonna? I’m a big Madonna fan. You should never want to be like someone else. You should be inspired by who other people are, but you should always want to be you. Be authentic to yourself. What else have you got on that list?

Two is we are envious of what others have. It comes back to social media, how it can be toxic and also be motivating. It can be one of those two things but oftentimes, there’s so much toxic stuff out there. Three is we don’t make ourselves approachable to other females. I’ll share a funny story about this one. Not necessarily related to females, but everybody knows I go ham at the gym. People have told me so many different times I look so unapproachable at the gym. I am in the zone. I’ve made some friends at some of my gyms but people are like, “Your face, girl. You look completely unapproachable.” It’s not on purpose and I’m not out there judging anybody, but I’m just in the zone. That’s my funny story about that.

You bring up girls at the gym. I do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as a hobby. There are girls on the mats. They’re intimidating-looking. Intimidation is a normal feeling. Maybe a new person is coming into the gym and they got their belt on, whatever color rank they are. Sometimes they don’t look approachable but then when you get to know them, it’d be a good spar session between you two. When you get to know them, you’re like, “You’re really cool.” There’s a girl like that that I know at the gym. She has a real chill personality. I didn’t start talking to her until months ago. When I first met her, she was standoffish, short but not necessarily because I thought she was mean. I can tell she’s reserved. When I got to know her, I’m like, “She’s someone that doesn’t mess around.” She’s not going to let you cross her in any kind of way. She’s going to tell you exactly what’s on her mind. I personally like people like that. I’d rather know where I stand with you. When I got to know her, we started hanging out. I was like, “She’s cool.” I can see where not being approachable is an intimidating thing to some, but don’t judge a book by its cover is the message here.

Pop culture always has this notion that girls have to be perfect at everything.

Four is we’re all self-conscious. This comes to the core of why girls hate other girls because we’re all self-conscious about something. You cannot tell me you are not self-conscious because there is something about you that you do not like. No matter who you are, what you look like, you are self-conscious about something. We all have them and that’s okay, but work through them.

I got some mom friends that have some banging bodies. They don’t even look like they had kids. I work out a lot. I have an average body. I got some mom friends. I’m like, “Did you even have kids?” There’s not one stretch mark. They still got a Coke bottle figure. That does make me feel a little self-conscious. I have stretch marks and I rock it. You saw me in my bikini. It’s being okay with yourself and where you’re at in your journey in life. I have the body I have because I gave birth to some beautiful children. I’m proud of my body, but was I always? No. I was very self-conscious about it, especially in my twenties being a young mom and I had all my friends in their twenties with no kids. Be aware of that and work on it.

It’s about learning to love looking at yourself, whether it’s in a mirror, whether it’s on the inside too. You want to work on finding those things about your body and your personality that you love. Everyone on this Earth is unique. I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody out there who looks exactly like me and acts exactly like me as well. If you think about it that would be weird and so unbearably boring.

You would get competitive. Jenny’s a redhead. When we hired another redhead on the team, she was like, “There is only room for one redhead in this office.” You would get super competitive.

Keep in mind that that was a boy. His name was Kyle. We’re not talking about me competing with another female.

Kyle, we love you but you were not as funny as Jenny.

G100 3 | Girl Hate
Girl Hate: Just because someone doesn’t conform to your little box of what’s appropriate doesn’t mean you have to be mean to them.

I want to bring up a very inspirational quote from one of my favorite ladies out there. She’s so motivational and inspirational. Ligaya, you may know her because she hails from H-Town, our girl, Megan Thee Stallion. Bear with me. We all know she’s a female rapper. She has a song out there called Body. She called all her followers her hotties. I think that’s awesome. In this song, one of my favorite quotes is, “Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody.” It goes on with some other odys. “Body crazy, curvy, wavy, big titties, lil’ waist.”

She talks about it over and over in this song like, “You look good. You’re saucy like a barbecue.” There’s so much body positivity in this song that if you take the time to listen to it, Megan Thee Stallion, I am totally a hottie. We’re one of your hotties, Meg. We would love to have you on the show. She’s so motivational and inspirational about body positivity. Not everybody’s body, that’s what they’re going to see. They’re not always going to be perfect. You’re not going to view your body as perfect. It’s about finding all the positives and what you can. That was my attempt at rapping. I will for now keep my day job.

We’ll wait for karaoke night. We’ll do karaoke night again. At one time, we did karaoke night, you did Baby Got Back. Next time karaoke night, I’m going to tell you to do that song.

I can’t wait. Let’s go back to the seven reasons.

We were left off on number four. What’s number five?

Five is we want to be the cool girl.

Always appreciate being okay with yourself and where you currently are in your journey.

Those are center of attention kind of girls.

Those are the girls that hate other girls.

I’ve noticed a lot of girls that want to be cool. They have to know it all. They want to be a part of every conversation or relate to you in every way. Be yourself. Being cool is subjective. What I think is cool isn’t what someone else necessarily thinks is cool. Be yourself. I’m cool with all kinds of different people. I got friends on my list that nerd out on stuff, super-intelligent, articulate, doctors and stuff all the time. I have friends who are chill. I got friends who party it up, friends living that single life. They’re all cool in their own way. Just be you. To me, that’s cool when you can be yourself. One thing I always liked about you, Jenny, is you’ve always been yourself consistently. I’ve never seen a variation of you. I’ve just seen Jenny. Who you’re getting on this show is who I got from day one. I might get, “She’s herself.” That’s cool, not trying to be cool.

We talked a lot about authenticity, keeping it 100 and keeping it real. You talk about all the different friends that you have out there, what they do and how they keep themselves happy. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Just because someone isn’t like you or doesn’t conform to this little box that you have of what’s appropriate, that doesn’t mean you have to be mean to the women that you don’t understand.

No girl hating just because you don’t understand who this person is.

Number six is social media can be a nightmare. We touched a lot on this.

G100 3 | Girl Hate
Girl Hate: Social media is not a direct representation of reality. It’s just a simple snapshot of someone’s life.

Social media is not the truth. How about that?

How about this? Social media is a powerful tool. It can be positive and it can be negative. It can be entertaining. It can be a way to connect with people that you wouldn’t have otherwise but it can also be incredibly toxic. Anyone who had tried to have an online presence, you’ve been made to feel crap by trolls.

I don’t even think it’s trolls. Maybe sometimes you’re not getting enough likes and that bothers you. That’s lame to me. I agree, social media has its place. There’s a need for social media. When I was younger, I was always on it. I’ve been posting what I refer to you as breadcrumbs to my life. Everything I do, I’m leaving crumbs behind so you can follow me and see it. I’m a little more private these days. I post things. I share certain things but I don’t want to share everything with you. I rarely post pictures of my kids. I don’t need anybody’s validation. If I post a picture and I’m not getting likes, I don’t care. I posted that picture because I wanted to. Whether you like it or not, I don’t care. People post things for that validation of, “Did I look as pretty in this outfit? Do they accept my meal as appropriate eating?”

I don’t know what goes on in people’s heads when they’re posting stuff. People portray a different life on social media. I know people that are on social media are Bible thumpers. Everything they post is something super positive and upbeat or religious. I know them in real life and I’m like, “That’s not who you are. You’re portraying to be this person because of social media.” Also another thing too, social media has definitely driven up the percentages of depression, suicides and anxiety. That’s telling right there. If you’re on social media and you’re seeing people posting things, thinking they’re living their best life, they might not be. They might be portraying it. If that’s affecting you, they’re being fake. Social media can be used for good, but it’s used for a lot more not so good.

Keeping in mind that social media is not a direct representation of reality. People pick and choose what they say and what they want to share. It is a simple snapshot of someone’s life. I’m going to call that the Insta versus reality phenomenon. You never know what’s going on behind that.

What’s going on in their real life. Some people even pay for the life they portray. You see those people on social media like, “You can drive this car too. You can have these babes too.” They’re taking pictures in front of nice houses and standing next to Lamborghinis. They got babe after babe lined up after them and they’re like, “Let me coach you into living this lifestyle. I’m going to teach you how to invest or teach you how to make that money.” A true investor or somebody who truly is about their money, they’re not going to be flaunting it like that. A lot of times they’re paying for that. They’re renting those Lambos. They’re paying those bikini models who never touched the guy. They don’t know him. They shut up to get a paycheck. Don’t fall into those social media traps. It’s the lowest hanging fruit and the worst trap you could fall into. It’s available at the tip of your fingers all day 24/7. You should not put your focus on that. Focus on doing you.

Everyone on this earth is unique, so look at yourself in the mirror and see what you love about your body and personality.

The last one and it’s something that is the best one that we can close out on. We’re taught there isn’t room for all of us at the top.

You were taught that when another redhead showed up on the team. It is a fight to the top. Everybody can relate to that, male or female. After leaving Corporate America, I don’t even try to keep up with that type of stuff, who’s doing better than me, other realtors are selling house after house or investors that have more in their portfolio. I personally do not try to measure myself to them. I know where I’m at in life. I understand my journey is different from theirs. I have spiritual belief and I also believe the universe gives you what you deserve at that time.

When the timing is right, I’m going to have those jobs. I’m going to have so many properties in my portfolio. I’m going to be listing houses after Wazoo. I might even move into luxury real estate. Have a definition of your own standard for success. That way, when you feel like you’ve made it to the top, that should be, “I’ve made it to where I want to be. It’s time to reinvent myself. Let’s do this again.” Instead of trying to compete and be like, “She opened a franchise. I’m going to go open a franchise.” I knew a friend that did something crazy like that.

Let’s motivate each other. Let’s share with others as women. Be proud to help grow and make other strong, capable women and help them accomplish their goals. It’s something that I wanted to bring up from this aspect. It’s a positive thing from pop culture. Look at the actresses like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They were always known as the funny girls. They decided they didn’t have to be one of them overpowering the next. Think about all the projects that they’ve worked on together. Have you ever seen that movie Baby Mama?

No.

You and Brian have to sit down and watch that movie. It is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen them do together. I feel like if one of them wasn’t in it, it would not have been as good. They’re the ultimate BFFs. They continue to support each other through their different roles and their opportunities. You look at them. They didn’t go out to try and outdo one another. They build off each other and have this incredible, hilarious relationship. That is someone you want to strive to be like. You want to have supportive women in your life that are supporting you and can work with you, not against you.

Find some like-minded friends. I listened to a podcast with Tina Fey. She was on the sitcom 30 Rock. She talked about being on that and writing. She talked about when she wrote Mean Girls. She wrote a book too that addresses some of the things that we’re talking about. This is a topic for another conversation. She did talk about there was a time where she did have a lot of anxiety trying to work and keep up with life. She talked about her friend, Amy. She’s like, “We work great together. I love working with her.” I forgot what show it was. It might have been one with her and Oprah. I listen to Oprah Winfrey’s podcast and she was on it. It’s cool to hear her story because she’s funny. Even when she was on the podcast being serious, she was being funny. At the same time, she was getting her message across. She was being funny about it but she was real with her story and where she was at those particular times in her life. Maybe I’ll look it up and quote it again or something.

G100 3 | Girl Hate
Girl Hate: Have a definition of your own standard for success. That way, once you are able to reach that, you feel like you’ve made it to the top.

You mentioned Mean Girls as something that Tina Fey worked on writing and producing. She also played the teacher in that movie. Who else was in that movie? Amy Poehler. She was Regina’s mom. She’s crazy. I loved her.

I’m trying to remember the name of the book. There’s one called Bossypants. This might be the one that she wrote. I’ll have to touch on that one. I haven’t read it but I wanted to. She talked about her writing her book. I was like, “I have to pick that up and read it.”

Let’s be upfront, open and supportive. We don’t want to have any more like every woman has a secret to success. We want to share those secrets with other women. We don’t want to keep those from other people. “When women support women, incredible things can happen.” I don’t know who said that. It’s a popular quote. Let’s do something kind for each other and for other females and continue day after day. I do believe that there had been positive changes in the way of girl-on-girl hate. We see it a lot from a negative standpoint but there have been a lot of changes out there in a positive route. There’s a lot of body positivity out there and female supporting females. There have been a lot of movements regarding it. I can’t say it’s all bad. There are some great stuff out there. We got to get more people on this boat. Not going through a canal where you get stuck like that one boat in the Suez Canal. Let’s get more people on this boat. Let’s get more people on this train. Continue to be positive and be supportive of each other. We can leave it at the one thing. Don’t go out there and be Regina George. Be your self.

We talked about girl hate and what it is. We talked about why it exists. It could come from insecurity, what society tells you, jealousy or whatever it comes from. We covered some of those things. How you can be a part of the solution and stop the hate, we bounced around on that one too. Maybe we should start embracing each other. Don’t assume someone doesn’t want to talk to you or don’t assume someone isn’t going to be approachable because they don’t look approachable. Make that opinion yourself when you try to approach them and they don’t want to talk to you. Those are some of the things that we covered. I don’t have anything else to add to it. Do you, Jenny?

We can wrap it up right here.

We’re going to be signing off right here. As we always say, it doesn’t matter what type of girl boss you want to be in life, just always keep it 100.

Important Links:

Goal Setting

Goal setting is the process of identifying what you want to accomplish and establishing measurable objectives and timeframes to help you achieve your goals. In this episode, Ligaya Thompson & Jennifer Hawley talk about how to set goals and how to keep track of them. To set good goals, they suggest we follow the “SMART” goal-setting system: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. To elaborate the process of goal setting further, Ligaya and Jennifer discuss how they came about achieving their goal of making this show a reality. Join in the conversation to learn more about goal setting!  

Listen to the podcast here:

https://feeds.podetize.com/ep/fHZG36_2n/media

Goal Setting

This is our first official episode of the show and we are talking about goal setting. I know we put an episode out, but it was more just an introduction and a light touch on who we are as people, professionals and girl bosses. Girl bosses set goals. In this episode, we are going to talk about goal setting, how we set goals and how we keep track of those goals. There are some successes with setting goals and there are some failures with setting goals. We are going to share them both, whether it comes from my professional or a personal perspective. Are you ready, Jenny?

I am so ready, ladies. Let’s talk about this.

I’ll go ahead and kick this off because something that I am passionate about is goal setting. We’re going to talk about setting goals and how we set goals. I don’t know if there is a right or wrong way to do it. A leader of mine that I used to work for back in 2010 or so said always to lap your results. When I talked to him about what does that means, he was like, “Check where you were this time last year.” I like to sit down in September or October and reflect on my year and how it’s going to end and it gives me an idea of my goals. Wherever date you’re at, check where you were this time last year and how far along have you come since then. When you reflect on where you want to go into the next year, how are you going to lap those results? How are you going to be better next year than you were this year? Do you have anything like that, Jenny, that you think maybe you thought of, whether it be a professional or personal goal?

Everyone’s goals are going to be unique and that’s also the big thing that we want to make sure that we address during this. Don’t set your goals according to somebody else’s because your goal should be unique to you. When you think of goal setting, the classic understanding of it is a process of identifying something that you want to accomplish and establishing those measurable objectives and timeframes to help you achieve it. The purpose of goal setting is that it can help you in any area of your life. People will set personal goals and professional goals.

When you learn how to set those goals and meet those goals appropriately, it becomes easier as you go along as to what’s appropriate as far as a goal. One of the problems that we’ll always run into is setting immeasurable goals. For instance, if I want to make $1 million but I want to make it next month, it’s not going to happen. Let’s take it back and let’s keep it real. Unless I win the lotto, I’m not making $1 million next month. It’s important when you set goals that you’re holding yourself accountable and you’re being adaptable when they need to change or you need to pivot. Most of all, be able to kick through those brick walls as your best girl boss self.

While we’re here to talk about how we set goals and how we attain those goals, we are going to keep it real and we’re going to spend some time talking about our real-life personal and professional goals. To touch on briefly how I set my goals because you talked a lot about it, too, is you write them down. Something I do is I work backward. I will set a goal and then you have to think about from that aspect of reaching it, “What are the things that I need to do in order to reach those goals?” You work backward and say, “This is where I’m starting. This is where I’m ending. What are the things that need to happen in between? When do those things need to happen in between?” Ultimately, that’s how I reach my goals.

I want to go back to where you said it has to be measurable. You have to quantify it. I can’t just be like, “I’m going to sell ten houses this year.” In real estate, if you’re a full-time realtor selling townhouses, it’s nothing. That can come in a couple of months or once a month. Let me keep it simple because not all of us are in real estate. “I want to make X amount of money this year.” With what you do in your profession, how will you make that money?

If you have a quota-base job or if you’re self-employed or if you work for a W-2 company, “I make this much money per transaction. In order for me to make this much money, I need to make this much money by the month.” It goes into where you talk about working backward, but it also ties into making sure it’s measurable. You can say, “If I know I need to hit 30 sales this month to get this payout on a commission check to get me towards this goal of X amount per year, for me to get 30 sales, I have to go on this many appointments. I have to make this many calls. I have to do this much advertising. I have to talk to this many more people in a day.”

That’s where we talk about you got to measure it, quantify it, and have a number that can help guide you in that direction. Think about personal goals. One of my goals in 2020 was I want to get two more stripes on my belt in jiu-jitsu. If I do that, this means I have to work on X, Y, Z because as a student with two more stripes on my belt, this is where I’m going to be. These are what these types of students know when they’re there. What do I need to work on right now? I need to train this many times a week. I need to work on my submissions, postures, and situational awareness. It ties into measuring it, quantifying it, and yes, definitely starting to envisioning yourself in that light, and then working backward on it.

This reminds me of an interesting methodology and a framework that I’ve seen thrown around quite a bit as far as when it comes to goal setting, helping us establish those clear milestones and evaluating what our goals are. Have you ever heard of the SMART method?

Yeah. When I was at Corporate America, that’s all they talked about but go ahead and break it down for us because I don’t remember off the top of my head.

There’s a methodology out there called the SMART goal setting system. Each letter of the word SMART stands for one aspect of the goal setting timeline. S is Specific, so being specific about what your goal is. Measurable, so being able to quantify it. Achievable, it’s something we talked about. Making sure it’s not unrealistic or impossible to accomplish within maybe a certain timeframe, so you don’t set yourself up for disappointment. R stands for Relevant, so make sure it’s relevant to you and your success, and then T stands for Time-bound, so think about the timeline for each goal. Something I also play into my method is something that you want to think about as you think about those goals.

When you talk about the T, the timeline, it was another thing that you do. You do want to put a date on it. Like my fitness goals, I had to say, “By the end of this summer, I want to have lost 10 pounds and got a little bit of a bigger butt,” or whatever that specific goal was. “By the end of the summer, this is what I want to look like physically. This is where I want to be physically in my health.” I don’t think I’m that close to that goal. I haven’t been doing as many squats as I said I should, but then you know. Check yourself before the summer and see where you’re at and see if you’re going to hit that target or not.

Make achievable goals so you don’t set yourself up for disappointment.

Is it possible that you’re going to hit that target if you maybe step it up a little bit or change your game plan up a little bit? If you don’t put a date on it, it’s not a goal. It’s just an idea. Putting a date on it is what seals the deal like, “This is a goal by this date. This is what I want to do.” Think about when we were in high school and some girls were like, “I want to be married by the time I’m 30.” They put a date on it, so it was a goal. “I’m going to go to college. I’m going to live my life and then I’m going to start looking for a guy to settle down within my mid to late-twenties. By the time I’m 30, I need to be married and working on my first kid because my biological time clock is ticking.”

How many times have we heard that conversation with women without knowing she’s setting goals? Another thing, too, that I like when I set goals is I write them down. Me and my husband set goals. We get together quarterly and talk about where we are with our business and real estate investing and stuff. I write my goals down in a notebook and I’ll bullet point it and I’ll leave it somewhere I can see. I like to put them on Post-it Notes.

I have these bright-colored Post-it Notes that I like to keep because they grab my attention while I’m working. One of them says Singapore because prior to COVID, a personal goal I had was I’m going to take my mom to Singapore in 2020. I didn’t get to do it because COVID happened. For an obvious reason, I had to pivot from that, but it’s still there because once the traveling restrictions lift and things get a little bit easier, I want to take my mom to Singapore.

Can I come with you?

Yeah. We can do a session of recording in Singapore. I write my goals down and I have this little board that I put pictures of my kids and my family and stuff. I’ll have my highlighted Post-it Notes that I can look at and say, “That’s your target. That’s your goal. That’s what you want to do. Don’t forget it.” Every day, when I’m at my desk, I can look up and I can see that I haven’t been to Singapore yet or I didn’t get those two stripes on my belt in 2020 because COVID changed a lot of people’s plans.

I write them down so I can always look at them because if you’re not looking at it constantly or have a system where you can go back in and look at it, then you’re going to forget what your goals are. We talked about how to set personal and professional goals. Make sure they’re SMART, then we also talked about keeping track of those goals. We talked about putting a date to it and leaving it somewhere you can see. Also, when you keep track of goals, sometimes, you’re going to have a goal where it’s like, “I’m not going to hit that,” for whatever reason, for something super obvious or because you just didn’t do your part.

The goal doesn’t necessarily have to change. I’m still going to take my mom to Singapore, but the plan’s going to change. Sometimes, you need to adjust your plan. I’m working on launching my own clothing line, so my goal was I’m going to have this launched by May, but I’m a little behind on certain things that I wanted to get done in order for me to launch by May. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not going to launch the clothing line anymore, but maybe I have to push my date out a little bit and maybe I have to look where I am spending my time and why I am behind on things. Also, what can I do differently to get me back on track to those goals? The goal doesn’t have to change. Sometimes, you just have to change the plan.

Think about this exact instance of what we’re doing right now. Think about this podcast. I don’t know when that exact moment was when we decided, “We would make great podcast hosts,” just because of our personal and our professional relationship where we had a lot of similarities. We talked about that a lot in the introduction. Think about how many times we put off launching this show. We’re two busy people and there was a lot that came up in the middle. I changed jobs, I moved and I got a dog. I did many different things in between that ended up pushing back and we finally solidified that we’re like, “We’re going to do this.”

“What are we messing around for?”

We are like, “What are we doing?”

“What are we waiting for?”

“Why do we keep talking about we want to do this show? Let’s just do it.” It wasn’t until October that we started talking and putting pen to paper. Legally, what do we need to do to protect ourselves? Neither of us has done a podcast before. What kind of software do we need? What hardware do we need? Who’s going to do this editing for us? What are we going to talk about? What’s our podcast name? How do we design the logo? What’s this going to look like? What’s that going to look like? What’s our plan? It kept getting pushed. It was both of us but it was also stuff that’s coming up. We certainly don’t want to excuse ourselves from it, but here we are. We finally said, “We’re going to sit down and we’re going to do it.”

I talked about changing the goals and stuff like that. Remember when we first started this show, we had a totally different name in mind and we had a totally different idea of what we should talk about. We were like, “Let’s call ourselves the six-figure female, and let’s talk about girl boss stuff and women in the workforce.” As we meditated on it a little bit and as we let the idea simmer, I was like, “Jenny, I don’t know because we’re going to take away some of the people that we speak to. I don’t want to just talk to businesswomen. I want to talk to moms, too, because I’m a mom. I want to talk to single women that are dating because I got a lot of those friends in my life and I got a lot of mom friends. I got a lot of married friends in my life.”

 

I want to be able to talk to a different genre of people and talk about things that we can all relate to. It’s when we were in Fort Myers and we were like, “Let’s talk about being a girl boss.” “What are we going to call it?” We bounced different names back and forth, but that’s when we were like, “We’re going to call it Girl 100 because we’re going to keep it 100 on it.” That’s how the name came up, but then from there, we were like, “Let’s write it down, Girl 100. What’s our thing going to be? Who are we trying to reach on this one?”

We added a couple of more topics in there because, in the beginning, it was more just professional-related. We were talking about professionally, but now we’re like, “We’re going to keep it light. We’re going to talk about real stuff. We talked about professional, personal, mental health, and all these topics.” Once we wrote it down and put pen to paper and we were like, “This is what we want to do,” that’s when we started moving. We found this company that can help us produce our podcasts. We found graphic designers that can help us with some of our images. We’re like, “When are we meeting in Miami? Where are we going to go do it first?” That’s when we started moving, when we put a date to it and we knew this is what we wanted to do. I rambled a little bit on that one.

It’s definitely a great example of changing the goals, pivoting, and being adaptable. I remember when we finally started talking about it, we’re like, “We’re going to have our first podcast before the year ends,” and that didn’t happen and that’s okay. Stuff happens and failure does not equal defeat. There are times that the goal doesn’t change. You just have to personally be open to the changes that are going to happen with it.

You talked about failure not equaling defeat. You should learn from failure. You should be open to failure. You should fail fast. The faster you fail, the faster you can readjust your goals, change your plan, get back up, and go at it one more time. Failure is definitely a part of goal setting, but don’t be afraid to do it. We talked about keeping track of goals and have them written down and have a checkpoint.

Towards the end of the year, my husband and I usually get together and we’ll be like, “Where are we right now with our investment properties? Did we flip as many homes as we said we would this year? Did we put renters in these properties? Were we able to refi and cash out the way we wanted to?” We’ll usually say yes or no, or whatever, and then we’ll be like, “We did that. Where do we want to do it? What do we want to do next year? How are we going to close this year out strong? How are we going to make the most of the rest of our year? How are we going to start off on the right track in January?”

Think of some good timelines to where you know like, “I want to sit down around this day. I’m going to reconvene with myself or my business partner or my fitness trainer and have a checkpoint and see where I’m at and what I can do to close it out and start it off strong the next go around.” Something I’m passionate about is being real about those goals. Do you have any successes or failures, Jenny? We talked about success and failure, but do you have anything personally or professionally that you want to share?

Something that I did want to bring up before we go into this goal setting is to think about how many times during the New Year that you set yourself a New Year’s resolution.

I stopped doing those because they’re the same every year. “I’m going to lose weight.”

An interesting statistic that I found about New Year’s resolutions is 80% of all New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by February, so that leaves 20% who are setting them and continuing with them. Of that 20%, how many people successfully achieve those goals do you think?

10%?

30%. 20% of people continue with their New Year’s resolutions past February. 30% of that 20% achieved them.

My math’s a little fluffy. When you start throwing percentages at me, I’m like, “Pfft.” I’m going to throw in a jiu-jitsu analogy at you. Everybody goes into jiu-jitsu or martial arts or whatever, but they want to be a black belt. The goal is, “In ten years, I’m going to be a black belt.” What you find is there’s a handful of people that leave at the phases of being a white belt because they’re getting beat down on the mats all the time. They can’t understand this is a humbling sport and people of all shapes and sizes are going to come at you and vice versa.

Failure does not equal defeat.

You lose that book of white belts and then it moves into the blue belts. They get promoted into blue belts, but of those blue belts, that’s also a phase where it wipes out a lot more people because then, they’re in a different ball game now as a blue belt. It wipes out many more people because they start to see as you want to get better and jiu-jitsu and stuff, it takes more time. It’s a little bit more demanding. You have to be more committed to it.

If people make it past blue belts and if they make it into a purple belt, then there’s a better chance of them going on into black belt, but you lose a bulk of people as a white belt, and then you lose a bulk of blue belts because of that commitment and the goals of becoming a black belt starts becoming a little bit smaller. That’s how I relate to it. I know it was way different from the way you related to it, but I don’t do well with percentages on the fly sometimes.

You got to put it in real terms sometimes. That goes into a little bit of what we wanted to spend some time talking about. Whether professional or personal, what have been some of goals in 2021 or long-term? They could be things that you set in 2021. Tell me about some of your goals.

I have it written down. I had to move some of my goals from 2020 to 2021 because of COVID. Things didn’t go the way I wanted them to. Some of my personal goals, I put tone up for real this time. That’s what I have in my notes. Prior to COVID, I was on it. I was in the gym all the time. My kids weren’t at home. They were at school, so I’d go work out during the day, then I’d go to jiu-jitsu, and then spend some time in the sauna. I was doing my thing and I was probably in good shape, but then COVID happened and gyms shut down. People started eating a little bit heavily or drinking more, so that changed.

Have you seen alcohol sales numbers in 2020? We won’t get into it. It’s crazy.

I bet. What else was there to do when you’re home all day? There were times where we were home all day and we couldn’t go anywhere because everything was shut down. I’m like, “It’s 12:00. Do you think it’s too early to have a glass of wine?” I’m definitely toning up for real this time. It’s my goal and it’s where I want to be at the end of 2021. I don’t want to put that pressure on me and having them have that beach bod by the summer because I don’t have it. I pushed back. I wanted to get two stripes on my belt in 2020 and I didn’t because of COVID and gym shutting down. It was harder for me to train because my kids are always home, so I can’t get away to the gym when I want to.

I added one for my personal goal. I put that I want to compete again. I competed one time in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and I’ve been thinking about doing it again more so for the mental training. Not necessarily because I want to be Billy Badass or anything like that. When I competed last time, I remember mentally the space that it put me in and how it helped me on a personal level as well. I want to push myself through that again and see if I can do that. When it came to goals in 2020, on a professional note, something big changed.

I quit my corporate job and that was not part of the goal. I quit because I came to a point where I needed to quit. Before I quit, my husband and I sat down and he’s like, “You’re going to quit your job. You want to do real estate full-time. You want to manage our investments full-time. Let’s write down what you’re going to work on.” Not just me, but both of us work on it together. We wrote some things down. I called him when I was reflecting over our notes on where we were with our goals in 2020. I called him and I was like, “Are you busy?” He’s like, “I got a little bit of time. What’s up?” I was like, “Those goals that we set in 2020 for real estate investment, we checked every box in those goals.”

It was such an exciting feeling because we were focused and we were constantly meeting with each other to talk about, “Where are we on this? Have you talked to that contractor yet? Have you hit up that homeowner yet?” Whatever conversation real estate investors have. We hit every single one of our investment goals, but where we fell short is setting new goals for 2021. It’s been such a busy time because we moved into a newer home. Doing that with kids and the holidays, we haven’t had time to sit down and set those goals.

We do have things in the pipeline that I’ve written down. There are a couple of houses on our target for flips. I want to buy a home in Florida in 2021, specifically in Tampa, and I want to do it before the year ends. I’m trying to wait to see if the temperature of the market simmers down because it’s a crazy time in real estate. I set some goals on how much money I want to make as a full-time agent because I was doing this part-time in 2020. I didn’t make the salary that I made at Corporate America being a part-time agent, but I also didn’t put myself out there and didn’t want to because I was still reenergizing. Those are my goals. I shared where we had some success on it and where I had to adjust it. What about you? Do you have anything you want to share on that topic? Any successes or failures?

There’ve been so many different changes in my personal life as well as my professional life. Since 2017, I’ve worked for three different companies. I’m always looking on the move and always looking for a new challenge if I feel that I’m at a point where I’ve mastered my craft in a particular role. Some of my personal goals much like you and every woman out there can say they want to be healthier. What I do is set basic goals. I’ll tell you which ones are basic. I work to define exactly what that means to me specifically. Some of my goals were to be healthier. That can be many different things. That can be mental health, physical health and spiritual health. That can mean a lot of different things.

When I sit down and think about, “When I say I want to be healthier, what does that mean to me?” For me, it was being physically healthy and being mentally healthy. It’s addressing your mental health and being in a comfortable and happy place. For me, that was one of my goals, and how I knew I was going to get there was when I am more happy than sad. It took a long time. We’re going to talk about how mental health has played an aspect in both of our lives and being open to therapy and getting help when you need it. From the physical health side, I’m not saying like, “I have these jeans in my closet when I was an infant that I want to fit into.” That’s silly.

“I want to get back in my size fourteen juniors.”

 

“In my size when I wore diapers.” For me, it was, “I want to fit in these jeans that I fit into when I was 25.” It was a time when I thought that I felt the healthiest in my life. I took out those jeans and I said, “What do we need to do to fit into these jeans? We need to start eating healthier. Check. We need to start going to the gym more. Check.” What that meant was I needed to go find somebody because I’m not a dietician, a bodybuilder or a personal trainer. I don’t know what goes into that sometimes. I had to go find a team of people that were going to help me ultimately reach my goals.

What that ended up being was a personal trainer. I told the personal trainer my goals and he said, “Here is your new diet plan.” I said, “Okay.” He said, “We’re going to work once a week together. Here’s what I want you to be doing in your free time. Once a week, we would get on that nasty scale and I would take different measurements.” For me, personally, when it comes to those types of goals, I never want to see what’s on the scale. I never want to look at the number, so I let him keep track of measurements and all he would tell me is, “You lost three pounds last week. You lost two pounds last week. Over the holiday break from December through the end of January, you gained seven pounds. We need to calm down.”

We need to cut back on the eggnog.

We need to cut back on that yule log, that chocolate cake and roll it up. We need to cut back on that and the cheesecake. We worked together and it was up and down. You’ve got to understand. Go with the flow. At the time, my timing for that was August of 2020 was the date that I wanted to get there. That gave me a good amount of time to get there. Because of COVID all this stuff happened, all the gyms shut down so it’s something that I’m still working on. My end date or my goal date has certainly changed. There have been some other changes, too. That’s one thing. I made the goal, I almost got there but there were a couple of steps back so now I’m back into it. That’s something good. Also, when I talk about these basic goals. I set things like, “Be more independent.” “Find a new ‘home.” “Start dating again.” Dating is hard in COVID let me tell you.

I also think dating gets harder as you get older. I’ve been out of the game since I’ve met Brian, basically, which was high school, but I have a lot of friends that still date and it gets harder as you get older and because people are damaged goods. As we get older, everyone’s been screwed and burnt. They don’t want to commit anymore. I can see where that can be a scary pool to get into. I don’t want to get off-topic, but when I left corporate America and my husband was like, “When are you going to start advertising yourself as an agent,” and all that stuff that was supposed to be a part of some goals.

I was like, “Leaving the company that I was with, after for so many years, I felt like I got a divorce. Putting myself out there again, as a professional, I feel I’m having to date again.” I was like, “I want to do it, but I’m scared and I don’t want to commit.” He thought I was weird for using that analogy. He’s like, “You’re overthinking it in your own way.” In a sense, with dating games, you want to put yourself back out there and that’s where I was professionally in 2020. I’ve got to put myself back out there.

Start dating again. One, it makes my mom happy that I’m not going to be alone forever for the rest of my life with 50 cats. Also, it’s like you said. It’s all about putting yourself back out there and I’m like, “Do I have to? I rather stay at home in my sweatpants?”

That’s okay.

Going back to being more independent or finding a new “home” I asked myself, “What would I define that as?” Be more independent. Is it financially independent or feeling more free? What exactly does that mean to me? When it goes into finding a new “home” finding a new home is for me is a feeling. It’s not necessarily a place. I spent some time living in Texas for about three years and we worked together, but Texas never truly felt like it. It could have been a number of different things, the environment but it never truly felt like home because home is a feeling. It’s a vibe and a mood. Those are two similar goals being more independent and finding a new home.

For me, as far as the independent part that was me almost allowing myself to start over. Clean the slate. Start a new job with a new company and be in a new physical place. That brought me back to Ohio where I am far enough away from my family that they don’t show up on my doorstep every weekend. They have yet to come and visit me and I’ve been down here for more than two months. It’s finding a group of friends in the town that I’ve never lived in. How do I do that? How do you make friends? There is something interesting that happened to me. I went on a dog date. It’s not an actual date.

Are you trying to set Swoops up with someone?

I brought me and this person’s dog who I knew. We live in the same city, so we met at a dog park. They got along and he’s like, “Me and my wife, sometimes we have friends over and they have dogs.” I was like, “I’ll let you know.” I got a message from him and he’s like, “We’re going to have someone so and so come over with his dog and someone so come up coming over with her dog. We’re going to have a taco night.” I’m like, “Awesome.” It also is Swoops’ birthday.

Swoops is her dog, people.

The faster you fail, the faster you can readjust your goals.

We’re having a birthday party with humans and dogs. It is starting to feel like home. It’s a place where I can be happy and have a new group of friends, have a stable job, have my gym, my grocery store and feel that vibe that you’re in a place that you’re supposed to be.

It sounds like you’re still trying to narrow in on those goals because I can totally relate to making friends again and having something that feels like home because, in my first two years in Austin, I was like, “I don’t know about this. I think I want to go back to Houston.” Austin still does not feel home to me but Brian says the same thing, “Home is not a place.” He doesn’t say that it’s a vibe but he says, “Home is where the family is.”

He should start saying it’s a vibe.

He’s going to be like, “I don’t understand what that means.” My husband’s super serious but like what he says, “Home is not a place, Ligaya. Home is where me and the kids are. That’s home. Wherever we are I’m home.” I’m all like, “You got me there,” but it did take time for me to open up to being away from home, which is Houston. I’ve got H town represented all day long. My Austin friends told me, “This girl can’t go anywhere without reminding people where she’s from.” It sounds like you have some goals and you’re still trying to figure it out but I want to challenge you as not as your friend and also as your co-host in the show. I want to challenge you to put some dates on those things and think about it.

Try to break it down, if you haven’t already. Try to put a number to it. If you want to find a home, where do you think that home is going to be? When do you want to find a home and if you want to find a home by this date, what is it going to take to get to that homely environment? It’s some of the stuff that we talked about. Since we talked about goal setting and we’re going into the month of April 2021, at the end of the year it would be a good idea to circle back around to this topic and see where you and I ended off with the goals that you listed off and the goals that I named off. It’d be pretty cool to see, “Did I get those stripes on my belt? Am I able to take my mom to Singapore?” Those are things that we can’t control but not now at least, but it’d be a good idea to circle back around to it and stuff.

Definitely.

Goal setting is exactly what it is. It’s goal setting, but it’s not a goal until you put time into it. Put a date on your goals. I spoke to you a lot professionally and some of my personal goals. Jenny talked to you about her personal goals, too but it doesn’t matter if you’re a stay-at-home mom, you’re a working woman, or wherever you are in life. Everybody should be setting goals. If you’re not setting goals, where are you going? How are you progressing? How are you living?

Also, get an attachment to your goal. When you find somewhat of an emotional attachment to the success of that goal, you’re going to be more likely to achieve them. Get that emotional attachment. Why is this important to you? When you define why it’s important to you, you’re going to find that emotional attachment to and you’re always going to be thinking about it. What do I need to do to ultimately get there? I talked a little bit about building your support team.

You and I talked about measuring where we are at the end of the year and having those trustworthy individuals who can help maintain your focus and provide motivation and be an accountability partner. We go back and forth a lot, especially on goals. I come to you for some professional advice, and you’ve come to me for different health advice because we have realized that when we set those goals, it’s best to bounce them off each other.

You can’t get there alone, is what she’s saying.

Go out there and create your momentum that pushes you to achieve your greatness and go farther than you went on your own.

You talked about having an emotional attachment. I have definitely had an emotional attachment to one of my goals as a mom. Working for Corporate America for thirteen years, I’ve also dealt with guilt or working mom guilt for thirteen years. Towards the end of my run at Corporate America, I would tell my husband, “I want to be with my kids more. I want to be around more. I want to be able to greet them at the door when they get off the school bus or I want to be able to drop them off in the morning and say, ‘Have a good day.’” I want to do those things. It was always scattered when I got to do those things. I wanted to show up more for them.

Part of the conversation when I was leaving Corporate America was, “This is going to give me time.” My twins are going into high school in 2021 and I and I personally believe as a parent that these are the years that you do want to be around your kids because I remember when I got into high school, that’s when the trouble started to happen. I wanted to be able to be around for them. I want to be around for them a little more to make sure they don’t get into that stupid trouble. Also, they know that they have a mom at home that is there, listens, and wants to make a hot meal for them after a sports game or something like that.

 

Emotionally I was like, “I want to be with my kids more.” Maybe this is a good topic for another time because working mom guilt or mom guilt never goes away. Even now, I’m with my kids more and my daughter tells me all the time, “Mommy, I love that you’re always home.” Sometimes it’s great having them around more and sometimes I’m like, “I’m trying to work now. I need you to tone it down.” That was an emotional thing for me. I want to be there for my kids more so how can I be there for my kids more and leaving Corporate America opened that door for me but also knowing that I’m going to go into real estate to set my hours, schedule and I can turn down clients if it doesn’t fit. That opened the door for me to be able to be there more for my kids. I liked how you talked about that emotional thing there.

We spend some time during this episode talking about how we set goals, how we attain those goals, how we keep ourselves accountable and how we are adaptable when we need to change. We talked a lot about some of our professional and some of our personal goals. Is there anything else that you think we should be covering and helping these ladies do now?

I don’t think so. I know that you need to write it down, put a date to it, keep track of it, and know that you can’t get there alone. Have a team that’s going to back you, have a mentor, have a guide, and have that bestie that you can call. For moms out there, have a mom friend that you can go to the park with and take your kids to. Let your kids run around and play while you guys get your free time, talk about life, and keeping up with yourself and stuff.

I don’t think there’s anything else that I want to talk about. We can go ahead and wrap it up if you don’t have anything you want to add. That’s goal setting in a nutshell and I do want to touch back on this maybe later on in the year circle back to goal setting and see where we are. Ladies, we would love your feedback on this, on what you thought about this episode with goal setting. Can you relate to it? Is there something else that you would like to hear us talk about?

If there is, shoot us an email over at HeyGirl@Girl100.com and send us some feedback on this episode and let us know what you thought about it. We’re going to sign off from here. In the next episode, we’re going to talk about girl hate and how to stop the girl hate. If you don’t have anything else to add Jenny, I don’t have anything else to add so we can go ahead and sign out. Do you want to do our sign-out that we always want to do?

Absolutely. Ladies, understand whatever girl boss that you decide to be, keep it 100.

We’ll talk to you all in the next episode.

Important Links:

Girl100 Introduction

1Girl100banner

Often, we see and adore girl bosses that we tend to feel envy with their confidence and what they’ve achieved, unknowing of their sacrifices and struggles in succeeding to where they are today. Welcome to Girl100, a podcast hosted by Ligaya Thompson and Jennifer Hawley, former colleagues in Corporate America who are now both girl bosses in their own fields. In this introduction episode, they talk about their personal insights of what a girl boss is, who do they look up to as a girl boss, and what they love the most being one. Be inspired by these ladies as they also share their backgrounds, life experiences, and what they believe is an excellent foundation of a strong woman.

Listen to the podcast here:

https://feeds.podetize.com/ep/QaszkUzo6/media

Girl100 Introduction

Hello to all the powerful women out there.

I’m Jenny.

I’m Ligaya. Welcome to Girl 100, where the topic is 100% girl talk and 100% authentic. We started this show to share our success with everyone, to share our experiences as a girl boss, and what it takes to thrive. We prioritize, we balance, and we keep it real.

What Is A Girl Boss?

Let’s start here with the basics. What we wanted to spend doing was let you all learn a little bit more about us, provide a brief introduction, share our definition of what a girl boss is and some real-life girl bosses out there that we follow. We always believe that a strong foundation for understanding will make you a stronger woman.

Jenny, do you want to introduce yourself and let everybody know something about you, and what your definition of a girl boss is?

My name is Jenny. I reside in Cincinnati, Ohio. I work as an Account Executive for a Forbes 500 IT and IT services company. Something interesting about me is I find real joy from being able to help people. I love it when friends or family come to me for advice because it shows how approachable and how powerful I can be with my words or advice.

What’s your definition of a girl boss?

A girl boss is a woman who knows her value and worth and will not accept anything less.

My definition of a girl boss is a woman that is in control. She is taking charge of her own circumstances in both her work and her life. It’s someone out there who knows her worth, knows her value, and will not accept anything less. What about you?

I have to agree with the worth and the value. A woman that knows what she’s worth and valued at will not put up with certain things in their life because they work too hard to get where they are. I also think that a girl boss is someone who knows where she’s going. She knows what she wants in life. She empathizes with everyone, but she doesn’t let a lot of things stand in her way. She’s up for the challenge. She’s resilient. She has feelings, don’t we all? To me, a girl boss is someone who looks at a challenge in the eye and takes it head-on. That’s a girl boss to me.

You bring up a good point of being able to empathize and have feelings. That’s so important, especially if you’re going to be a girl boss and you’re going out there to try and help people, and you’re trying to empower women. It’s being able to understand where they’re coming from, picking them up, and helping them get to what they consider their best place. It’s important. We need to go back. I don’t think we got to learn anything about you.

I didn’t get to introduce myself. My name is Ligaya. In the Filipino language, ligaya stands for the word happiness. I brought a lot of joy into my parents’ life when I was born. I’ll give you a little bit of background on me. Something that I enjoy in life and brings me pleasure is when other people are doing their thing, they’re thriving, and they’re happy, it makes me happy. It makes me feel whole and happy for that person in general. Everybody has a path, a story, and fighting some kind of demon in life. We all have our battles, our skeleton is in our closet, but when people are doing their thing and they’re thriving, I’m like, “That’s what’s up.”

That’s inspirational for me. I love seeing it. It makes me happy to see other people happy. I’m not one of those lowkey like “why is she doing better than me” kind of girls. They’re out there, but I’ve never been that type. I like seeing girls do their thing and seeing them have fun while they’re doing it. A little bit of background on me and what I do. I worked for Corporate America for thirteen years and I got a point where I was like, “I’m not feeling this anymore.” I left and ventured off into entrepreneurship. Me and my husband are real estate investors. We’ve been investing in real estate for several years. We own rental properties across three different cities in Texas. We’re still building our portfolio but we’re doing pretty damn good. After I left Corporate America, I went into real estate. I’m a full-time realtor. I’m also working on getting a clothing line started.

When I was younger, I studied fashion in college and it’s always been my thing to want to start my own line. More to come on that, it’s a project in the works and I’m super excited about it. Leaving Corporate America, entrepreneurship has been my thing. Real estate is my thing. I love it. I spent a lot of time learning about it and engaging in those real estate conversations. Corporate America never had my attention like that. It was a safe place. It provided money and benefits for the family, but I was never as engaged in Corporate America as I am with real estate and what I do. That’s a little bit of background on myself.

G100 1 | Girl Boss
Girl Boss: A girl boss is someone who knows where she’s going. She knows what she wants in life.

Balancing Motherhood And A Career

It’s interesting because we talk about a lot. We talk about our passions and what makes us happy. That’s a lot of what we’re going to be covering from week to week. It’s talking about what makes us truly happy in our work, but also our personal life. You did forget to mention that you are also a strong, powerful mom.

I’m a mother. I’m married to my high school sweetheart several years ago. We have four beautiful kids together. I was a young mom. We had twins before we graduated college. The odds were against me having two kids as a freshman in college. It was like, “How am I going to make this happen?” I managed to get married, raise a family, and have a career at the same time. I did my thing and I grew up at a young age because becoming a mom at a young age forces you to mature earlier than you want to. It wasn’t always easy. There were times where I struggled with wanting to have more of a social life than I did, but I look back and I don’t regret a thing. I love every choice I’ve made and I am so happy to be where I am. There’s never a dull moment being a mom. I love it. Thanks for reminding me that I’m a mother.

You’re welcome because not only are you doing all this entrepreneurship but you’re doing it while you have four kids. Ligaya has such a wonderful family. Shout out to Abraham and London and the twins, to her husband, Brian, the coolest guy ever. It’s interesting. We didn’t bring this up at the beginning, but we come from different backgrounds. We come from different walks of life. We met in Corporate America. How we came together is we both had one common goal that we wanted to be powerful. We had goals. We wanted to go somewhere and do something.

We wanted to do more than just take orders from people at the office. Working next to you in the cubicle, I saw where you’re naturally competitive. I remember you would hear me cold call and then all of a sudden, you’d be dialing hard on the phone and amp up doing your cold call. It wasn’t like, “She’s crazy.” I was like, “She’s competitive, but in a good way.” You had a standard for yourself. You never wanted to let anyone outshine you, not because you’re arrogant but you knew what you brought to the table. We clicked that way because we ended up doing lunch together and ride along together in the office and staff. I showed you the way. I showed you some things where I’m like, “They don’t want us to do it like this, but this is how we do it. We work smarter, not harder.” In the end, you were one of the few apprentices that came into the program that you were a part of and you were successful because you showed up early every day. You were there before the lights were on.

Sometimes, I was the one turning the lights on in the morning.

You would be there, and you’d be cold calling. You put in a full day’s work, you’d go home, you’d come back, and you do it again. I never saw any less from you. It’s where you and I saw eye-to-eye that we can still have fun and we can still be serious at the same time.

Let’s not forget, we were also co-social chairs of the team. We had to plan all of our social events and our happy hours.

There’s a certain uncomfortableness of not knowing everything and being able to learn and pick something new up every single day.

Go away parties for our favorite manager that left us.

We did a lot on that team and we clicked well together. Even though we ended up going in two different directions, you ended up leaving Corporate America and going towards entrepreneurship. I eventually left the company and then I ended up where I am right now. I’m still in Corporate America but also enjoying my job. I love my job and I love the company I work for. I love their culture, learning, and being in an environment where I am challenged every single day. There’s a certain uncomfortableness of not knowing everything, being able to learn and pick something new every single day. I love being in Corporate America. I love that structure that I have. We still ultimately do have the same goal of being girl bosses, how do we get there, what do we do, how are we going to go out there, and smash through those brick walls with our stiletto heels. We talked a lot about that and we talked quite a bit about what our definition of a girl boss is. We gave a lot about our background. Do you have anyone in your life or anyone that you look up to, Ligaya, that you think is a girl boss?

Moms For Girl Bosses

There are a few investment groups that I’m a part of like networking groups. There are some ladies in particular that they’re about their game. They know their stuff, they’re investing, they’re buying homes, and sharing their knowledge. Those are inspirational people to me because, as a real estate investor, I want to be able to one day pass down that knowledge to others that want to learn. If there’s one person in particular that has been my biggest inspiration in life in general, it’s my mom. Moms for girl bosses. It’s a full-time job being a mom whether you have a job or not. Being a stay-at-home mom which I experienced after I left Corporate America, that’s a job in itself. That’s a stressful job. You don’t get days off. You don’t get sick days. If you don’t feel good, so what? Get up and the kids need breakfast.

My mom, I was a hardheaded teenager, but looking back, she did everything that she could. Her story is so touching to me because my mom came here from the Philippines back in the late ‘60s. She was sixteen years old and got picked out of all her siblings to come out here and be what they call an au pair. For those of you that don’t know what that is, it’s someone from a foreign country coming in to raise a family and be a nanny in the household. She came in and she did that. She never saw her mom again or her grandparents. Her siblings, she did see again. Fifty years later, we were able to reunite them. I know a lot of her story. Everything that she sacrificed to get here and all the stuff that we put her through.

My parents ended up divorcing. My dad left my mother for someone else. It was hard to see, but to see her go through such a hard time and then to see her bounce back from it. Now, she’s living her best life. She loves her grandkids. They love her. She did it by herself. She didn’t have anyone around her telling her how to be. She just grew up. One day she woke up and said, “You’re going to America. Hopefully, we get to see you again.” She made it. She’s doing her thing. I see so much strength in her with everything that’s been handed to her. In a nutshell, that’s been her life but there have been so many other cards handed to her that I’ve seen her handled.

If you know my mom, my mom is 4’11”, short, little Asian woman. She’s got a lot of bark to her but she loves you. She’ll feed you and then she’ll cut you. She’s a strong woman. I think about my stresses now and what are some things that stress me out. My problems are small compared to the things that she was dealing with not having her family around growing up, not having her mom around, and having her husband leave her. I think about it and I’m like, “If she can do it, I can do it.” That’s my mom. What about you? Do you have anyone in your life that’s an inspiration to you as a girl boss?

G100 1 | Girl Boss
Girl Boss: It’s a full-time job being a mom, whether you have a job or not.

I’m going to take a little bit of a different route. Not someone I know personally but someone I would love to know personally is actress, writer, and comedian Mindy Kaling. Everyone knows her from The Office. In doing a lot of the research that I did on her as a person, not only is she funny, but she’s smart and witty. She holds herself well. She does a lot for her community and stands up as such a powerful woman. Anything that she has done as a female, all the successes that she has done as a female, a writer, and a producer even a comedian, I like to think I’m funny or witty. I like to bring humor into almost everything I do. I see myself aligning a lot with her and what she does. As I said, not someone personal.

My mom is a wonderful woman too. She is pretty great in the way that she raised us as well. We had three girls. I was the middle child. I never got enough attention as that middle child. My mom was also in the military. She was a full-time working mom. She made sure that when we were growing up, we had everything that we needed, plus more. I truly believe that the way I am as an adult, the way I think, and the way I realistically look at the world through the lenses of realism. That truly comes from my mom and my dad as well. The sense that you have to be realistic. The world sometimes stinks and it’s going to be a sucky place. They call it tough love out there. When I tell friends or tell them stories about different things of my type of tough love, they’re like, “That’s mean.” I’m like, “No, that’s realism.” That’s truly something that I got from them. I appreciate them for that because it helps drive a lot of the decisions in my life.

It made you smarter and made you more aware. Those are some of the things that I try to teach my kids as a mom. My kids are growing up way different from the way I grew up. They’re living a pretty comfortable life compared to the life that I was raised in. My family did what they could, but we didn’t grow up in the suburbs. My kids are growing up going to nice schools and wearing nice clothes. I have to teach them that this stuff can be taken away from you. We took them to the Philippines so we could let them get a taste of reality like, “You’re living this comfortable life. You’ve got all this Wi-Fi, air conditioning, fridges, but let’s take you to where life could be like and where life is like for other people.” We wanted them to experience it. It stuck with them for a bit but then they came back to America and they shrivel back into being kids again.

#FirstWorldProblems.

I get where you come, realism, because I try to teach my kids like, “The world is not a flowerbed. Not everybody is your friend. People are going to be out to get you.” I told you I have trust issues with people because I’ve been screwed. I’ve been in situations where I’m like, “I thought that person was someone else. That person was trying to hurt me more than help me.” I try to teach my kids that like, “Keep your eye out for people. Be cordial and kind. Help people but know not everybody’s out there to be your friend. Not everybody’s out there for your best interests.” It’ll stick with them one day. One day, they’ll look back and be like, “Mom was right.” Right now, they’re like, “Mom doesn’t know anything. She grew up in a time where Wi-Fi didn’t exist.” I’m like, “What the hell does that mean?”

Life Happens

Some things that you mentioned there, those are things that are going to come up as topics on some of our upcoming episodes about building your circle of friends, understanding who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. I know we have a lot of interesting stuff on the docket for what’s going to be coming up next. To wrap things up here, we want you to understand that life is going to happen. Some days are going to be up, and some days are going to be down. It’s being able to roll with the punches sometimes. With those trials and those tribulations, it’s going to mold us into the best versions of ourselves. Keep tuning in as we discuss a little bit more on topics like goal setting and overcoming insecurities. Every woman has insecurities whether it’s her body. It can all be in your mind. We’re going to talk about stereotypes, friendships. Mental health is going to come up quite a bit. That plays a big part in both of our lives. We’ve been able to come to get a lot closer as friends having these boss girl conversations. We keep it authentic. Not every day is going to be a good day. You’re going to have bad days. It’s all about how you’re able to get through those bad days or bad months and come out stronger on the other side.

Next episode, we will be covering goal setting. We hope you tune in for that. If we’ve got your attention this far, keep tuning in because we are going to talk about goal setting, setting goals, and how to smash those goals too. Jenny and I are going to share some of our success stories, also some places where we didn’t necessarily have to change the goal but adjust and change the plan. We’re going to talk about that next. We do thank you for reading. We’re going to be signing off now.

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